Halloween 2009

From:
The O. J. Pratt Family

" Turn Your Speakers On "

A Ghost Story.....Happy Halloween

     An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his system upset. Upon making several false- alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided that the latest feeling was another false-alarm and decided to stay put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
     A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms wildly, which left the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a security guard at the hospital, who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the hell was that all about?"
     Still staring down, the drunk replied, "I don't know but I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost!"

A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP... BUMP... BUMP.. .behind him.
     Walking faster he looks back and makes our the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...
     Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him...faster...faster...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.
     He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
     However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping... clap pity-BUMP... clap pity-BUMP... clap pity-BUMP... on the heels of the terrified man.
     Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
     With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything...but all he can find is a box of cough drops!
Desperate, he throws the cough drops at the coffin...
...and of course
...the coffin stops.

Halloween afternoon, my dental hygienist realized that she wouldn't make it to the store in time to get snacks for trick-or-treaters. So she took home some free samples from the office supply cabinet. That night she handed out dozens of toothbrushes, toothpaste, and dental floss. The next year, although she had bags of chips and popcorn, not one child came knocking at her door.

You might be a Redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.
    He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
    By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward.
    Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being
played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
    By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.
    Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music.
    "Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker.

Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old to Be Trick or Treating

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

Remember, Don't Be Tricked!
Treat Yourself To The Best!

Just Click On The Logo Of Your Choice.

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