Ancient masters assert that all suffering is caused by attachment, or in today’s terminology, grasping. Is this true? Why?
First, let us examine the notion of grasping, i.e. grabbing and hanging on for dear life because if you let go not only will what you are grabbing be lost forever, but you will drop out of sight from what is providing you identity and holding you up. Yes, it is what we are grabbing hold of that provides the label for who we are: the people who grab after your money so they can loan it out for profit are called bankers; the people who grab after your money and provide you the means for buying and selling partial ownership in public businesses are called brokers; the people who grab after power and money while they manipulate and goad others to do their bidding are called managers; and it goes on and on. I hate to consider how many times I have asked someone “What do you do for a living?” as if the answer to this question told me something really important and central to that person. Well, it might answer what is important but it does not even come close to answering who this person is at their core. This question answers a trivial but all encompassing obsession our culture has. It answers how you make money, how much money by implication, how powerful and important you may be and therefore how afraid and deferential I should be toward you, and how valuable you can be to me. It answers questions not very different to those defined by the pecking order of birds or the alpha male and female order of wolves. Unfortunately, it answers a primitive, aggressive, inhuman question and subverts our focus on the real, core person. But so what?
Who is this real, core person? Do they really exist separate from what each of us can do, earn, affect, effect, control, make happen, influence or seduce? The ancient masters say that none of this matters and that all this is just an illusion much like the San Francisco fog that comes and goes but doesn’t have any sustained substance. Rather, there is part of each of us that provides us energy, wisdom and the capability to contribute to the welfare of others. These are the things that have substance in that they have a lasting effect; they make us immortal. How so?
Has there ever been a significant person in your life who was significant because they, for even a short while, non-selfishly cared about you? I did. His name was Uncle Bob. For one half-day in his life and mine, he helped me to build a plastic model airplane. I had broken my wrist by falling wrong after jumping off a baseball backstop. I was stuck with one good hand and the other obstructed by a cast for many weeks. Uncle Bob spent one afternoon just with me doing just what I wanted. We didn’t have any deep conversation. We just built that little plastic airplane but it was the most significant caring I ever received to that point by an adult male.
You know, you learn that you are worthwhile by being treated as being worthwhile. You cannot learn this lesson by yourself or by being ignored or abused. Moreover, the world’s religions all assert that the most powerful force you ever will encounter is love, i.e. caring. Well, I encountered that power to move mountains while building that plane. It has moved the mountain of my life.
Then life is a lot like baseball: you win some, you lose some, and some are rained out. The only difference between baseball and life is that with life most of the time you never have any choice. As Forest Gump might have said, “Though life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get even though you think you have a choice because you pick one out.” We do make our choices and they matter but we also exercise far less control over our own welfare than we might wish.
However, we do have a much more direct influence over another’s welfare than we might ever imagine. Uncle Bob had no idea what a positive effect he would have on a young boy. He just simply cared and for a few hours helped build a plastic plane. Nonetheless, my guess is that Uncle Bob enjoyed those few hours. Isn’t that marvelous – it was good for Uncle Bob and it was life influencing for the young boy.