11 was the reason we should go to war with Iraq, then this is your film. Not once in this film does the writer or director even attempt to search for meaning or motivation for the individuals on the other side of the ideology. The tumultuous and complex world we live in is nowhere near as simple as this film would like you to believe. On the other hand, I’m sure President Bush has a new favorite film.

SCORE CARD NEW!

(A+) - Very good to Great film, a must see!

(A)   - Really Good film, enjoyable time at the movies

(A-) - Good movie with one or two small problems

(B+) - Oh so close to being good

(B) - Will appeal to most

(B-) - Usually an average movie with a standout role

(C+) - Just ok, delivers on promise

(C)   - Completely average film, nothing special

(C-) - Just slightly better than sucking

(D) - Is for Dumb!

(F) - HORRIBLE. I want my money and my time back and I urge you to burn the original print and never speak of this film again.

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FILM SCHOOL 101

DAVID

Welcome to FILM SCHOOL 101. My page will be primarily dedicated to the discussion of film and cinema related topics including reviews of new release films, critiques of classic films and general cinematic knowledge and debate.

On this page I will only discuss films that I personally enjoy or have some specific interest in. I am a professional film critic, NOT a film reviewer or entertainment editor. I have degrees in film production and film criticism and have been writing about film for over 10 years. If you want a book report on a movie, celebrity gossip, or pandering to studio publicity, you will not find that here. My job is simply to tell you what I thought of the film and why.

In Theaters Now

2012 (F)

The biggest disaster here is this movie. Roland Emmrich ("Independence Day, Godzilla") co-wrote and directed this dreadful, absurd, ludicrous and entirely unbelievable crap. John Cusack ("Say Anything") stars as a limo driver/author who discovers from Woody Harrelson that civilization is going to end according to a terminus prediction of the Mayan calendar that the world will end on 12-21-2012. Then the ground starts to shake and for the next 29 min. the planet continues to explode juuuuuuuuuuuuust at Cusack's heels as he escapes time after time with his family in tow. Everywhere he goes, from downtown L.A. to Yellowstone to China, the abyss of the apocalypse is looming in his rear view mirror. All the usual landmarks get demolished and the obligatory Poseidon tsunami finishes off whatever the earthquakes and volcanoes missed. Just the worst kind of unrealistic CGI and a whole lot of chicken little, the sky is falling acting. But hey, it's got a black President so it's topical.

A Christmas Carol (B+)

This movie left me very conflicted. Dicken's classic tale of a miserly curmudgeon who must learn his lesson and right his ways after being visited by the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future is one of my all time favorites and a masterpiece of both literature and film. This is a very authentic telling of the story and by no means, a watered down, kid friendly version of the frightful and perilous cautionary tale against not having good will toward man. The story is so faithful in fact that I would not have any reservation in saying that it could potentially be emotionally disturbing to any viewer under 12 years old. It's a very good movie to boot but here's my conundrum, I absolutely hate this new, video game style, quasi real/quasi animated abomination of film making. What is the point of having an actor say all the lines, actually putting the real life actors face ON the avatar and then taking 3 years of computer programming to make the lifeless, dimensionless, character do the exact same things the actor would have done? For this same reason I despised Beowulf, and Polar Express and any other movie that bastardizes the medium of film. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should and from a technology standpoint, this is the cinematic equivalent of cloning sheep. My diatribe on film ethics aside, this was a good movie and in keeping with versions past, made the viewer introspective about how well they are practicing the golden rule in their own lives and in this day of dog eat dog and greed, the message of this film has never been more timely or appropriate. I would have just liked to seen some PEOPLE in it dammit!! The 1938 Alastair Sims version is still the BEST.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1l1_82x2BO4&feature=related

Paranormal Activity (C)

This movie has been greatly touted for costing very little to make and dragging huge box office numbers. Some irony here is that obvious comparisons have been made to "The Blair Witch Project" (1999) mostly due to the budget/profit similarities and both being within the supernatural thriller genre. Another parallel exists, in that without Blair Witch, there couldn't have or perhaps wouldn't have been a "Paranormal Activity" both in the fact that it's obvious that the writers and directors saw the former and it influenced the later but also that the original is in all ways better than the reincarnation. My own unscientific survey has lead me to conclude that the people who enjoyed Paranormal had for the most part heard of, but not seen Blair Witch and the people who had seen Blair Witch were underwhelmed by Paranormal. I found the acting to be very amateurish and while that lent itself to a feeling of reality in Blair Witch, it just looks very You Tube-y here. Although there are some "Booo!" moments built into the film, it never raised the palpable sense of genuine terror and dread that Blair Witch did for me. Where the Blair Witch could have used a little less snot, this movie needed a slightly more polished story and much better acting.

This is It (B)

This is the new Michael Jackson, behind the scenes, concert film. I was concerned going in that this was going to be another way to ring out some doe ray me from the dead superstar. It's obvious that there is no shortage of people trying to cash in on the king of pop's resurgent popularity in death. I was thankfully surprised that this is a legitimate, insightful film that is well done and very thought provoking on a multitude of levels.

The camera follows Jackson thru the arduous and demanding rehearsal process leading up to his farewell tour in Europe. It shows Jackson the performer, not the salacious tabloid freak that has been his most recent incarnation. Jackson sings ALL his hits and to be honest, I was looking hard for a chink in the armour. A missed note, some foot dragging, something that would coincide with his fragile constitution and pharmaceutical lifestyle. Nothing. Jackson was dead on, and unlike so many other superstars who attempt a comeback with less than stellar results, he was on top of his game down the line.

You could see it throughout the film, Jackson has been rehearsing this tour in his head for the last 20 years, every step, every note, every move. One thing that struck me was that in this day and age of lip syncing and auto tuning, Jackson could actually sing and moreover, they played real live music behind him and it sounded just like the record! It was brutally evident that this was not some over produced, studio soundtrack, pop star concert of today. There was legitimate talent on that stage, and real music was actually being played by musicians.

It dawned on me too while watching this movie that Jackson was like a pro athlete, like a Terrell Owens or Mike Tyson. Talented, gifted and brilliant at their sport but complete trainwrecks as human beings. Jackson comes to life on stage, he's home there and all the neurosis and bizarre behavior fade into the background under the spotlight. Jackson is in command...of EVERYTHING. As he rehearses, he's fixing lighting cues, rewriting music on the spot, teaching his backup dancers some new moves and all the while, being Michael Jackson.

As he performs his catalog of memorable hits, you slowly begin to remember what a special person he was and how amazingly gifted. But the shear volume of the material and the physical demands that exact such a tremendous toll on a performer like Jackson left me with little doubt that combining his up and down chemical lifestyle with that Herculean tour would have killed him anyway.

I felt both sad and joyous for Michael, as he obviously struggled with the most basic elements of humanity and lead what appears to be a mostly joyless and surprisingly unfulfilled life. Sad too, that his fans and the world missed out on what would have surely been the most remarkable concert tour in recent memory, if not all time. But at the same time consoled in the notion that in his final days, Jackson was in the one place on this earth that he was comfortable, un-self-conscious , in control and dare I say, happy. He was a fading star, past his zenith but still bright enough that he was ready for his close-up. I have attached a couple of links to montages of Jackson's prolific hits. With all his personal demons aside, watching him in his element and performing to the crowd cannot help but bring a smile to your face and warm your heart toward a troubled and brilliant man.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4fkOQPNxSc&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPYZAGMA7S0&feature=related

Capitalism: A Love Story (C)

Michael Moore ("Fahrenheit 9-11") points his documentary camera at capitalism and how it seems to be holding up in modern America. He's tackled some poignant issues in his career from the collapsing auto industry to the questionable policies of the Bush administration following the attacks on the WTC, to health care. This time, Moore takes on the sacred cow of Democracy by questioning whether capitalism is the best possible economic system for America or has rampant greed and corruption lead to its, and by extension our collapse. He makes some valid points and does his usual and admirable pulling back of the curtain on hypocrisy and falsehoods but, and this is a big but (no pun intended cause he's a fat guy) but, he cherry picks hard in this film and doesn't really give capitalism an even break. Sure, if you shoot your whole movie in D.C. and on Wall St. you're gonna find some scum bags but capitalism is a much broader concept than the treatment it gets in this film. Moore's running out of windmills to charge and this modern day Don Quixote comes off smarmier and douchier than usual. Could have been a much better film if he had focused more on the effect than on the cause.

Cirque du Freak - The Vampire's Assistant (D)

I guess this is another in a long string of teen vampire book series made into a film. Since I haven't read any of the books and I'm not a teen, I will just be reviewing this as a film. It sucked. John C. Reilly plays the vampire and he attempts to make it an everyman, down to earth, relatable creature instead of the mysterious and supernatural vampires we've all become accustom to. The assistant is even more mundane and forgettable and the whole story vacillates between silly and boring. Obviously geared toward the 13 and under demo, it was very difficult to sit thru and nothing I saw on the screen would prompt me to pick up the book(s). Seemed very much like they were just trying to cash in on preteen Halloween movie audiences. This is the movie you'd get if Nickelodeon was in the horror movie business.

Law Abiding Citizen (B-)

Oooh so close. This was a pretty good film til they completely blew the ending. "Citizen" is about an average guy (Gerard Butler) whose family is brutally murdered. Jamie Foxx plays the self serving, D.A. who makes a plea deal with the murderers. Butler's character takes rightful exception to that and spends 10 years plotting out his plan to deliver the retributive justice he was denied by way of judicial expediency. He holds all those responsible to account. Butler's character happens to be a tinkerer, an inventor of gadgets, which comes in quite handy as he doles out justice from within the confines of prison. He's light years smarter than everyone in the film up to the end when the story dumbs wayyy down. It was reminiscent of the gangster films of the 20's and 30's, where you rooted for the bad guy thru the whole movie and then the production code mandated that he die in a profane and horrific way so the message that crime doesn't pay would be driven home to the movie going audience. Butler is charismatic as always, although a little hard to swallow as an average Joe. Foxx is totally unbelievable as the rising star Assistant District Attorney and comes off more like the Cosby show version of L.A. Law. "Citizen" tries to make a point about the maladjusted priorities of the current juris prudence system and does of fair job of making it's case. The story is engrossing and the premise sufficiently interesting to warrant a viewing but if you're like me, you'll be sorely disappointed at how they totally bailed on the ending.

Couples Retreat (C-)

They should have called this "The Breakup - takes a Vacation." Vaughn and Favreau reteam with life long friend and former childstar turned director, Peter Billingsley to hammer out another in a string of disappointing, dreary and tired attempts at comedy. The couples are all whiney and depressing and without redeeming qualities for the most part. Vaughn (39) is married to Malin Ackerman (31) that you may remember from "The Heartbreak Kid" where she was in a romantic comedy in a fabulous resort setting. Jason Bateman (40) is married to Kristen Bell (29) who you may remember from "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" where she was in a romantic comedy set at a fabulous resort. Favreau (43) is teamed with Kristin Davis (44), comes off like an octanagerian by comparison and who the best I can tell, has never been in a romantic resort comedy before. They had no original story, and with all the popular talent that showed up, not much funny going on either. So what you're left with is that the movie going public is subsidizing Vaughn's living large lifestyle where he and Favreau get to go to Bali for 6 months and make out with hot chicks. As tropical romantic comedies go, this wasn't even as funny as "Captain Ron" starring Kurt Russell and Martin Short. Very disappointing for the people they had.

ZOMBIELAND (A)

I really wasn't quite sure what to expect from this film. The previews had looked rather banal, mostly Woody Harrelson attacking some grocery store zombies with a banjo. It could go either way as far as zombie films go. I have to say that I was so pleasantly surprised to find that "Zombieland" turned out to be just a very fun and enjoyable film. Don't get me wrong, it's not a total send up or parody or spoof at all. The zombies are sufficiently blood thirsty and menacing and unlike 1960's zombies, they are capable of running you down if your cardio isn't up to par. The master stroke of this film is in the character development. Harrelson plays a half crazed, off the wall...who are we kidding, he's playing Woody Harrelson but damn he's fun to watch in this movie. To create balance, the story's narrator is a loser, dork, nerd college kid who survives by sticking to a set of zombie rules that he's established. Along the way, they run into 2 resourceful sisters who are trying to get to a west coast amusement park they've heard is a zombie free zone. There are the Romero classics, and the avant guard "Shaun of the Dead" but this may be my new favorite zombie film. It's that good.

Watch the trailer here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-cIjPOJdFM

Surrogates (B-)

"Surrogates" is the futuristic story of a society where everyone lives their lives thru robotic surrogates that they control from the slothy comfort of their own home. These surrogates can be younger, better looking, whatever you want and whatever they experience, you experience. Bruce Wills plays a cop who runs across a dead surrogate and discovers whatever killed the proxy, killed the human at the controls at the same time - which isn't supposed to be able to happen. Willis opts to shed his surrogate and tackle the investigation old school by just walking around himself. It's an interesting commentary on where we are headed as a society and what role technology plays in our quality of life. It will also make you ponder a very serious what if? What if tomorrow, you could flip a switch and all the gameboys, Wii's, playstations, and X-boxes ceased to work forever? What would that world look like and would that necessarily be a bad thing? Back to the movie, its a bit too long and the story breaks down some in the middle and it has some pathetic special effects (ala "Westworld" 1973) but it's a decent film and certainly thought provoking. There's still just something about Willis doing sci-fi that makes me flash back to "The Fifth Element."

Jennifer's Body (D)

Diablo Cody, who wrote "Juno," penned this tale about a stuck up high school girl who gets her comeuppance in spades when a rock band tries to sacrifice her in a Satanic ritual that goes very wrong. As a result, she becomes a literal femme fatale from the underworld and begins to exact her vengeance on those around her, mostly by seducing them and then eating their faces. The term succubus refers to a demon who takes the form of a woman, who seduces men in order to steal their souls. This move got the 'suck' part right. Let's face it, Megan Fox is a total bitch, with the personality of wet lumber, certainly no actress and ironically, if it wasn't for her looks, she would be by all accounts, universally despised. She has however in real life, cast her spell on countless hoards of pubescent teens and lecherous middle-aged men. She is the female equivalent of those greasy, abusive, bad boys who steal the nice girls savings, give her a black eye and sleeps with her sister and yet...they still love the creep. This movie stunk but the people who went to see it, went because it had the remote possibility of showing Ms. Fox in some state of disrobe or perhaps in a titillating exchange that involved some tongue. I have found a way to break this she-devil's siren's song. Concentrate on her completely retarded, oversized tattoo of Marilyn Monroe that she has emblazoned (for real) on her forearm. Then you'll go "what the fuck is so great about her?"

Also in Theaters...

GAMER (C+)

"Gamer" is a film that takes place in a not so distant future, where video gaming has evolved to the point where people control other actual people instead of avatars inside the game. Think 'Call of Duty' meets "The Running Man" and you have a very good feel for what this film is about. Gerard Butler ("300") is the inside the game player who in reality is a convicted murderer who will be set free if his gamemaster can get him thru level 30 without dying. There is a lot of story of here, perhaps too much, as this film tries with varying success to comment on nano and bio technology, voluntary enslavement thru mind control, the downfall of a virtual society, etc. It's all very ambitious on paper but the film makers bit off more than they could handle trying to put it up on the screen. Added to the complexity of the underlying topics is a distracting and amateurish shooting style with choppy, jump cuts and blacklight cinematography. The movie 'looks' horrible and even the combat action scenes suffer from all the cuts and (un)steady cam shots. It looks like a cross between "Tron" and a Gary Numan video from the 80's ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ldyx3KHOFXw ). Butler has a big future in action films, he's great to watch and a very believable bad ass. "Gamer" however is a film that would probably be a better book to read than a motion picture. I gave them points for an intelligent premise although poorly executed.

Extract (C)

This is one of those quirky little comedies that seems more at home in a film festival than a Cineplex. It stars Jason Bateman ("Arrested Development") as the owner of an extract company. Extract, as in vanilla... very random and has no bearing at all on the story beyond the title. Mike Judge ("Office Space") wrote this, so I had high hopes. Its moderately entertaining and pretty light hearted, in keeping with Bateman's HBO work and co stars a very pretty Mila Kunis, as a grifter-scam artist that literally disappears from the story like they ran out of ink, an understated Kristen Wiig (SNL), and Ben Affleck as the stoner bartender. I don't really care for "big" stars who jump into these supporting player roles to prove their blue collar work ethic. Basically this is the story of a bored, yuppie guy who doesn't realize all the good he has in his life and it takes a litany of disasters to show him the error of his ways. Unfortunately, this film doesn't even have as much flair as a Chotchkie's waitress.

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard (D-)

This movie is what happens when no talent, hack writers watch a good movie and then attempt to 'reimagine' it, or as it used to be called - rip it off. The movie they were shooting for was the brilliantly funny, classic "Used Cars" starring Kurt Russell from 1980. The cast of "The Goods" is composed of some very familiar faces who are proven comedic talents, like Jeremy Piven ("Entourage"), Ed Helms ("The Hangover"), David Koechner ("Anchorman") and some real actors, like Ving Rhames and James Brolin. This is another in a long string of stinkers produced by Will Ferrell, who also makes a just ridiculous, unnecessary and worst of all, unfunny cameo as a skydiving Abe Lincoln who has a pink backpack full of sex toys instead of a parachute. Its just a bad, bad, not funny at all, comedy. Piven is the hired gun, used car salesmen extraordinaire who comes to town to help out an ailing dealership over the 4th of July weekend. He loses his focus when he falls for the lot owner's daughter and thinks he may have found his illegitimate son. He gives a dozen, pumped up, rally the troops speeches that are all completely unbelievable and has more unprovoked mood swings than Fran Dresher in menopause. Just a dreadful, awful, painful movie going experience on just about every level. This is the kind of movie where about 10 minutes into it, you start to feel bad for the cast. This movie is a Lemon!!

Inglourious Basterds (C-)

Now I'll be the first to admit that Quentin Tarantino has made some truly excellent films (Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, True Romance) but at the same time, he's made some deplorable movies as well. In my opinion, as Tarantino's ego gets bigger ...if that is even possible at this juncture, his films get more and more self indulgent, quirky and bad. This movie is not as horrible as "Death Proof" but then again, few things are. Its also nowhere near as good as any of the previously mentioned films in his repertoire. This was a very superficial send up of some classic WWII action films like, and I almost hate to mention them in the same breath as this movie but... "The Dirty Dozen, Kelly's Heroes, Force 10 from Navarone, etc." Being the consummate video store nerd, Tarantino even names Brad Pitt's character Aldo Raine. Hmmm could that be a winking homage to the famous character actor of the 50's and 60's, Aldo Ray that appeared in "The Green Beret's" along side John Wayne?? Duhhh. Ok for the synopsis, Raine puts together a bunch of Jewish American soldiers to run what he calls "apache raids" on the Nazi's. Well to be literal, instead of that just meaning guerilla hit and run tactics, Raine goes so far as to have his men actually scalp the Nazi's they kill or capture. You have to reallllly go some to make a WWII hero pic and make your protagonists so heartless, cruel and devoid emotion as to have the Nazis appear sympathetic by comparison. The story has little or no historical context and as such, turns a world war that actually happened (look it up) into some blood splatter, juvenile fantasy of Tarantino's that is without merit, morality or even that entertaining. It is NOT as good as the hype and too cartoony for anyone old enough to actually know who fought in WWII. The ensemble is weak, Pitt is playing over the top again like in "Burn After Reading" and the best actors are all the Europeans who you've never heard of. At this point, the movie is a direct reflection of the auteur. Just as Madonna came back from London with a British accent, Tarantino now refers to himself in the 3rd person almost exclusively and describes his films to the common movie goer using French cinema lingo he picked up in Cannes. I gave it a C- for decent work by the foreign actors.

District 9 (B+)

I almost bailed on this movie 15 min. into it. It starts very slow and very dumb and the lead character has an almost undecipherable South African accent that makes the dialogue very difficult to follow. The story basically centers on an alien ship that hovers over Johannesburg and when the human's pop the can on the space ship, they find a whole colony of dumb, useless, worker aliens who are on the verge of death. The humans, doing what humans do, put them all in an internment camp that for the purposes of this film is a shot for shot redo of the Cuban ghettos in "Scarface." All this is the not so great part. The main character, a weasely little tosser named Wikus Van De Merwe, gets put in charge of a massive relocation project for the aliens because he has married the department head's daughter. During their forced migration policy implementation, Wikus has a too close encounter with the alien culture and winds up becoming infected with a disease that is slowly transforming him into one of the creatures from outer space. Now is when this film starts to pick up. It tackles issues of xenophobia, genocide, apartheid, the role of the UN as peacekeeper, biological weapons, internment camps, refugees, and on and on. All of which are very complex issues and that require much more concentrated brain power from the viewer than lets say a Bruckheimer alien movie. It is all done very smartly however and the genius in this story is that the film maker transitions the audience masterfully from the angry mob p.o.v. at the beginning - to aligning with the put upon aliens by film's end. If they would have shortened/tightened up the first reel, it would have gotten even better marks from me. A smart film about some heavy issues with aliens as metaphor.

G.I. JOE (D)

Well, perhaps this is a generational bias but the new G.I. Joe film seemed very geared toward 10 yr. old boys and unless you were a fan of the more recent incarnations (tiny and without kung fu grip and lifelike hair) and the cartoon show, you will be lost and bored by the extensive roster of characters. They couldn't have missed any, it feels like there was a new one popping up in the story every few seconds. The screenplay must have been written by the toy company's marketing division. Channing Tatum ("Stop Loss") stars as the square jawed, Duke, the all American soldier. He's pretty good at the role he's perfected over several films. Marlon Wayans is in this for supposed comic relief. He should be dishonorably discharged. His watered down, In living color jokes are totally out of place, even in this film geared toward a prepubescent audience. Its full of ridiculous CGI effects and stuff they stole out of the rubbish bin from "Iron Man." I was probably about 1/2 way thru the film before I realized where I had seen this all before. They made the non-parody, serious version of South Park's "Team America" including the destruction of the Eiffel Tower! G.I. Joe...Fuck yeah! hahahaa

Funny People (D) ...for dull, depressing, dreary and dopey

Judd Apatow ("Knocked Up") wrote and directed this film about a famous stand up comedian who discovers he's dying of a rare disease, who attempts to put his life right before his final curtain call. Adam Sandler plays the wildly popular George Simmons, who is funny on stage but a world class jerk off it. As he confronts his mortality, he opts to befriend an up and coming comic played by Seth Rogen ("Pineapple Express") and hires him to be his assistant and part time joke writer. I won't delve into the story beyond mentioning that once he finds out that he might not be dying, he turns back into a wanker. This is one of those circle jerk movies where a small cadre of celebrities get together and think a retelling of their shared, quasi-real life experiences will be entertaining to the public. Its an exercise in egocentric self gratification to think that anyone would really give a shit. The story is depressing and uninspiring despite it's ABC After School Special feel. Rogen just looks like a doofy, grinning idiot throughout and Sandler got talked into this one because he and Apatow were roommates in real life back in the day. Apatow after a handful of funny movies ("Knocked Up, The 40 yr. Old Virgin, Walk Hard") is obviously completely out of material and has no ability to write anything beyond dick jokes. Rogen is a booger eating retard who I wish would just cease to exist, or at least stop being in every fucking movie that comes out. Sandler continues to wander around in this self absorbed, misguided quest to become a real actor and although his performance in "Spanglish" was worthy of praise, he really should just stick to his canteen boy persona and stop torturing the movie going public with his indulgent attempts at stretching as an actor. Also, if Apatow puts his wife and 2 kids in ONE more movie, I'm calling child protective services myself. Obviously, no one else will give them a job. "Funny People" tries to show you the sausage of how comedy gets made and shine a light on the psychological abuse that contributes to the making of a good comedian but this film is just like watching home movies of someone you don't care for. Amateurish and poorly constructed, even the celebrity cameos are fleeting and superfluous. This not only wasn't funny OR dramatic, it was more sad, in a pathetic and unredeeming way.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (B-)

Harry and the gang are back at Hogworts to continue their fight against the dark forces of Lord Voldemort. Seeing as how they are all well into their teens at this point, JK Rowling and the director took it upon themselves to turn up the hormones to high in this one. I guess to compete with the unrequited love of all the teen vampire series that are so popular or just to escalate the storyline from juvenile fiction into teen drama, the new HP film is like a soap opera at times with each of the 3 main characters falling madly, deeply, annoyingly in love with some OTHER character. Its a well constructed film and the CGI /cinematography is in keeping with the outstanding visuals that have come to be synonymous with the franchise. The story was ok, it held your attention well enough around all the 'snogging' (kissing) going on. Its easily 30 min. too long in the middle and the twists are fairly predictable, save the big one toward the end that reveals the half blood prince's identity. Unfortunately, they took a beat from the "Lord of the Rings" and "Pirates of the Caribbean" and made a movie that simply exists to get you to come back for the next installment. This movie doesn't have an ending and is by no means a stand alone film. Its disappointingly, in the last frame, nothing more than a 153 min. movie teaser for "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" parts I AND II that are already in production for 2010, 2011 release. Its not the best of the series or the worst but a decent film - but ONLY if you've seen all the others.

New Release DVD's

Bruno (F)

Sacha Baron Cohen returns in a new, flamboyant incarnation of an Austrian Fashion celebrity named Bruno. Cohen attempts to recapture his success with "Borat" but apparently didn't understand what made that movie funny. It wasn't him. It was the reactions and responses he got from the people his over the top character encountered. In this film, Bruno simply runs over the unsuspecting real people and just does one ridiculous and disgusting thing after another. It's all shock value and no substance. It's Jackass with an emphasis on the ASS, as every "joke" revolves around being gay. His 4 funny trailer moments you've seen in the preview, the rest is crap. Here is where Cohen would take the word crap and make a joke about how he loves where crap comes from and then kiss a gerbil with his tongue and wink at the camera. Oh my god! That's soooo funny. He's very fortunate to have escaped Cullman Alabama with his life, seriously. I absolutely loved "Borat" almost as much as I completely hated this skat.

Public Enemies (C)

Johnny Depp plays public enemy #1, John Dillinger - the famous gangster and notorious bank robber from the 1930's. Christian Bale is Melvin Purvis, the FBI's star agent who always gets his man. For all the star power AND a naturally compelling and exciting crime story, this movie is a bit boring actually. Depp doesn't really do much with the character and Bale follows suit. Michael Mann (Miami Vice tv show) wrote, produced and directed "Public Enemies" and took some historical license that certainly didn't improve the story. I remembered Dillinger being much more interesting, so after viewing this film, I went online and watched a 3 part documentary about the real criminal. Infinitely more engrossing and factually, much more daring exploits were carried out by the authentic Dillinger than by Depp's character. I couldn't help but think back to the 1979 film "The Lady in Red" starring Pamela Sue Martin (who played Nancy Drew on the Hardy Boys mysteries) and think, "huh, even that was a better movie." Not only isn't it in the same ballpark as a "Bonnie and Clyde" for example, its not in the adjacent parking to the ballpark. Watch the documentary and skip the lackluster Hollywood version.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (D-)

I wish I could say that there was more here than meets the eye. I thoroughly enjoyed the first film so much, I've seen it a dozen times since it came out. I doubt I will ever view this sequel again. Director Michael Bay just flat out lost his mind. How do you screw up such a likeable franchise?? The first film was about a young man trying to fit in and figure out who he was in this world and his attempts at getting the girl of his dreams. Befriended by his 1st car, who turns out to be a robot alien was the fun hook but fundamentally, it was a story about people. This one is all robots...now that we have the guaranteed box office of a successful sequel, lets make 100 new transformers that are both completely ridiculous and forgettable. LaBeouf and Fox return but they just run through the film as stuff turns into other stuff around them and explosions. Lots and lots of explosions. Megan Fox is completely pimped out in this film, like - don't give her any lines just keep the camera on her ass. As entertaining as that sounds, it's really obvious and creepy. It reminded me of Coco in the movie "Fame." This movie is just empty, loud, LONG and a waste of time but is doubly aggravating because of its potential based on the first one.

THE HURT LOCKER (A)

I have been waiting for a very long time and to date, THIS is the best picture about the current Iraq war. It deals with a bomb disposal unit who day in and day out go out side the protection of the green zone to dismantle insurgent explosives meant to kill American soldiers. Crazy? Brave? both? Guys doing their job, and dealing with the enormous pressures of facing death on a daily basis. No Hollywood heroes or over dramatic acting here, and although most of the actors are recognizable, you quickly forget they are anyone but who they are portraying. The viewer rapidly begins to feel the palpable terror these soldiers must suppress as they stay calm, with a steady hand and clear mind and defuse these unpredictable road side ordinances that at any second could result in their certain death. Very well done.

Year One (C-)

Another extremely disappointing film. This one is loaded with comic geniuses and yet, they come up way short. This movie is about two outcast pals who get sent into the wilderness and discover a whole new world of experiences. I have no problem with them hopscotching across time from caveman to early biblical times to the roman empire, that was fine and contextually, fairly seamless. The problem was just in the humor itself ...or lack there of. Jack Black (Nacho Libre), Michael Cera (Superbad), Oliver Platt (The Three Musketeers), David Cross (Run Ronnie Run), Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Role Models), Hank Azaria (Run Fat Boy Run), written and directed by Harold Ramis (Ghostbusters). And a handful of laughs from THAT cast? This movie really illustrated just how brilliant Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life" or "Life of Bryan" are. This one is more like Mel Brook's "The History of the World: Part I" except not even as funny as that! We can only hope that the bespectacled Harry Potter can salvage this summer's movie fare.

The Taking of PELHAM 123 (C)

Yet another in a seemingly endless line of remakes..."Pelham 123" redoes the 1974 film starring Walter Matthau. Some film trivia about the original - the idea of Mr. Green, Mr. Brown, Mr. Blue that Tarantino made famous in "Reservoir Dogs" was lifted from the first "Pelham" movie. This time John Travolta is the bad guy hijacking the subway and it falls on Denzel Washington to foil the plot. Washington is the subway controller in charge of operations who's unfortunate enough to be on duty when a crowded NY subway gets shanghaied by Travolta and his crew. They want a 10 million dollar ransom to be paid by the Mayor (James Gandolfini -Tony Soprano) or they'll start offing passengers. Like this would ever happen... they make Denzel come all the way down from central operations to deliver the money and drive the train. There's also a ridiculous subplot about the tatted up, ex-con Travolta being a high powered Wall St. stockbroker and another about a possible criminal indictment for Washington stemming from a bribery case but it all comes down to two big stars soaking up 98% of the screen time and not much else. The studios know if they put Denzel and Travolta on the poster - the movie will make $X.X million dollars off of them being in it alone. The original wasn't THAT great a movie and this one's worse. The once talented director Tony Scott ("True Romance, Top Gun, Days of Thunder, Enemy of the State") is rehashing another 70's NYC film classic next in his version of "The Warriors." Only time will tell if they are ready to 'come out and plaaaayeeeaaaa!' If this film is any indication, they aren't.

The Proposal (B)

High powered executive, Sandra Bullock (45) forces her personal assistant, Ryan Reynolds (33) to marry her so she won't be deported back to Canada and lose her lucrative job as a NY Book publisher. In order to save his career and future, he relents and agrees to go along with her scheme although she's a mean and brutal taskmaster in the office. Immigration is on to them pretty quick and in order to maintain the charade, the newlywed couple heads off to Reynolds' hometown of Sitka, Alaska to break the good news to his family. Big city woman falls in love when she gets in the country, I've worked next to you for 3 years and never realized I really loved you this whole time, my old girlfriend see's how emotional I am and tells me to go after you before you get away and the ever popular, I just missed you at the airport but follow you back to NY to propose for real this time. Roll credits. The story is super dooper cliché' like a Mad Libs of Harlequin romance novels and bad romantic comedies. On the other hand, Bullock and Reynolds, albeit with marginal, generationally challenged chemistry, still are entertaining to watch and this movie doesn't suck anywhere near as bad as it should for the story they had the balls to film. I guess this is one of those movies that proves that most guys will watch anything if there's explosions and tits and most girls will, if there's a wedding and some kissing. Hey, at least she stop making "Miss Congeniality" movies, so that's good.

LAND of the LOST (C-)

Will Ferrell stars in this send up of the bizarre and quirky Saturday morning kid's show from the 70's made by the geniuses of Sid & Marty Kroft who would bring to life other amazing shows like: H.R. Puffnstuff, the Bugaloos and to a much lesser extent, the Donnie and Marie show. Ferrell is unfortunately backsliding into what other successful SNL alumni have fallen prey to, namely finding a handful of bits that become signature pieces and just wearing them out in everything they do (you look mahvelous). Ferrell manages to work back in his Broadway show tune schtick from "The Producers" and "Elf" and a series of the once funny, off the wall exclamations ala "Great Oden's Ghost~!" I was surprised by film's end to not see him running around in his underwear screaming "I'm on fire!" or making some reference to baby Jesus. He better come up with some new stuff quick. The girl in the pic is utterly forgettable. See, I forgot her already. The ONLY thing worth watching in this lame-ish comedy is the fresh, brilliant, comedy stylings of the one and only, Mr. Danny McBride ("Footfist Way," "Eastbound and Down"). Unfortunately, they try to pigeon hole him in the same white trash, dumbass role he's played before. You can readily see the lines from the script vs. the zingers he ad libs as you watch the movie. The rest of the film is just poorly patched together set pieces to give Ferrell a backdrop for his tired stuff to lean up against. Oh and it's also definitely NOT a kid's movie. Unfortunately, it's not really an adult's movie either. I don't even think dinosaurs would like it.

The Hangover (A+)

Fucking Awesome!!! A bunch of guys go to Vegas for a bachelor party...how many times has this movie been made? It's beyond cliche' and although there are some decent films in this genre, most suck bad. "The Hangover" by contrast is hysterical, original, gut busting funny and with one foot in some kind of Kafkaesque reality, you buy every crazy, whacked out thing that happens, no questions asked. The cast is superb and Zach Galifianakis is destine to become a household word if you can believe that. Wow! How often these days does the trailer for the film not show you even a fraction of all the movie's good parts? If you don't think this movie is funny, you seriously need some quiet alone time, out on a mountain top somewhere, peering deep into your own soul to try to figure out what kind of vacuous, barren wasteland of humanity you've become? Even in the company of classic films like "Bachelor Party," "Swingers" and "Very Bad Things" this movie might just be the new Best Vegas film of all time. Even the poster is funny! You gotta see this movie.

UP (B-)

"UP" is Pixar's latest animated feature about a very old man who is about to have his home taken from him and be placed in an old age home. He's alone, having lost his one true love - his wife some years before. He made her a deathbed promise to go and live on a remote cliffside overlooking an amazing waterfall in the jungle. It was their childhood dream to follow their favorite adventurer to this remote location and live there forever. The old man spent his rather uneventful life as a balloon salesmen for small children. So he devises a way to keep his promise by attaching a million balloons to his house and just floating away to his waterfall utopia. A pesky boyscout (wilderness explorer) with some weight issues hitches a ride unbeknownst to the old man. This whole part of the story was just excellent. Once they get to the jungle however, it's like it morphs into a whole different and rather stupid movie. The old man actually meets his and his wife's childhood hero adventurer who turns out to be an evil murderer, who has devised a way to allow his minion's of angry dogs that do his bidding to be able to talk. It just seemed really jammed in, like "we need more talking dogs!" than anything integral to the story. It really ruined what could have been a very touching and heartwarming film about people. They had it and then blew it by trying to follow some ridiculous formula for what kid's will like. It was like painting a frito bandito moustache on the mona lisa. The good parts are still worth seeing.

TERMINATOR SALVATION (C)

Music Video Director McG tries to revive the well worn Terminator franchise with this leap into the future, which if you follow the series is actually predating the original film but not in real time just in the context of the storyline because John Conner from the future sends back his own father to save his mothers life thereby insuring he'll be born to send his father back to save his mother's life to ....You see where I'm going here? It's so complex and twisty at this point that it makes "The Matrix" look like remedial reading. It's at least 45 min. too long, all the explosive action is exactly the same thru the whole movie with no crescendo, just blam, blam, blam, from start to finish. Which I'm sure will appeal to the hyper-desensitized target demo of 11-15 yr. old boys but will give everyone else a splitting headache. Bale carries his gravelly voiced persona over from THE Batman and was more entertaining to listen yell at the DP during his infamous dust up. The best part of the movie and why it didn't get a lower rating was about 10 min. from the end, there's an amazing cameo of sorts from Schwarzenegger. It was cool but also shined a light on the fact that (and I'm speaking of the original not the cartoony sequels here) he WAS, IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE the Terminator ...and what made this movie franchise watchable.

Night At the Museum: 2 (D)

Rough week for sequels. Although considered a kid's movie, I absolutely loved the first NATM movie. It was smart, imaginative, fun and well written. "Night at the Museum:2" has none of that going for it. Larry Daley returns but he's given up his night guard job and become a shamwow type business mogul who upon returning to the museum, finds all his nocturnal buddies are being sent to the Smithsonian for deep storage. Once he arrives there, he encounters a whole new cavalcade of historic figures that come to life. There were rules to the first one, that only apply here and there for this one. Abe Lincoln from the memorial comes to life in this one. Is he in the museum? no. Is he part of the collective effected by the Egyptian tablet? no. So why the hell does he get up and start walking around and talking? They bring in the talented and likeable Amy Adams ("Enchanted") to play Amelia Earhart, as some hokie love interest for Stiller. Doesn't work. It's like they never saw the first one. This dead horse has officially been beaten more than Rhiana at a Brown family picnic.

Angels and Demons (C)

Tom Hanks reprises his role of Professor Robert Langdon from the super popular novel turned movie, "The Da Vinci Code." This time, Langdon's symbologist talents are required by the Vatican as the Pope has just died and a secret society known as the Illuminati have taken 4 cardinals hostage and plan on blowing up all of Vatican city. Only the wily Langdon can unravel the mysteries hidden in the landmarks strewn about Rome. This movie is NOT better than its predecessor and not a very good film in general. Instead of the viewer going along for the ride, deciphering the clues as they naturally unfold thru the story, this time Langdon just blurts stuff out like he's reading to you from the novel and everyone just starts running in whatever direction he points. There is a ridiculous subplot about particle acceleration and anti-mater that seems completely out of place and an asinine twist, where Ewan McGregor's character who plays the young priest in charge after the Pope's untimely death, just happens to be a chopper pilot (yeah, that happens) and takes the anti-mater bomb way up into the clouds to explode saving everyone. How convenient. If you're going to write in absurd character elements, why not just make him a bomb expert or a particle physicist ...who just happens to be a priest? I didn't really give anything away there, you'll see. Anyway, it supports what I thought all along, that the book's author, Dan Brown was clever enough to twist up the engaging story already written in the best selling book "Holy Blood, Holy Grail," and rip it off in "The Da Vinci Code" but when left to his own devices, came up short. I thoroughly enjoyed the first film, and was completely aggravated by this one.

STAR TREK (A)

J.J. Abrams ("Lost, Alias, Cloverfield, MI III) does it again! He is a consummate story teller in the early Spielberg sense of the word. I was a bit concerned viewing trailers for this film as they seemed uncharacteristically special effects heavy. Not to worry, Abrams knocks it out of the park on this one. This is easily the best Trek film since "Wrath of Khan" and even compares to the original television show of the 60's. Tackling such an institution with a prequel *which I normally despise, is a huge challenge for anyone.

Every character is so well known, any attempt to redo can easily fall victim to parody, or falling short by direct comparison or simply just missing the mark completely. The casting for the new "Star Trek" is brilliant, unequalled, and amazingly has taken the roster of the U.S.S. Enterprise and dare I say, improved it! With one glaring exception. What would seem like the most difficult characters to fill are done in spades from Spock to Uhura, Abrams nails every role. The only one that doesn't really do justice to the progenitor is James Tiberius Kirk!!

Chris Pine ("Smoking Aces") stars as the young Captain Kirk. His acting is adequate although not quite as braggadocio as the original. I hate to say it but he just doesn't cut it in the looks department. We all forget today looking upon the bloated, comic, senior citizen that is William Shatner but in 1966, he was a stud. Pine by contrast has this odd visage that resembles someone in a G force machine or a burn victim after facial reconstruction. He is the one character that doesn't hit the mark and as the lead, this may be a problem in the long run. The original Spock gets a solid cameo but conflicts over money kept Shatner completely out of the film. He has to be kicking himself hard now in retrospect.

I can't say enough about the rest of the cast as they are amazing! I might even say perfect. From Zachary Quinto ("Heroes") as the quintessential Spock, right down to the unlikely Simon Pegg ("Hot Fuzz") as Scotty. You sit thru the whole movie as they get introduced masterfully thru the story going "yes~! awesome!!" Characters aside, Abrams weaves a very good story and doesn't forget that telling a tale is the true essence of film making, even in the sci-fi genre. This franchise has certainly been revived and I personally can't wait for the next half dozen films in the new series. I hope they don't let that hack of a director, Bret Ratner anywhere near the next installment, as he is gifted at screwing up bulletproof sequels. Live Long and Prosper new Star Trek! Highly recommended.

GHOSTS of GIRLFRIENDS PAST (D+)

The ever smarmy Matthew McConaughey and former female action star Jennifer Garner/Affleck star in this send up of the classic, "A Christmas Carol" where mean ol' Scrooge is visited by ghosts of Christmas past, present and future. In this case, McConaughey's character, Conner Mead is a fashion photographer playboy whose legendary prowess in the bedroom is only exceeded by his disdain for love and relationships. Ghosts visit him on the eve of his little brother's wedding and walk him thru all his old girlfriends or should I say conquests, as most lasted hours not months or weeks. He reunites with Garner's character, his first true love who sees thru all his bullshit for the lonely, yearning soul he truly is. The only surprise here is that McConaughey actually kept his shirt on for most of the movie, even though that would seem reasonable it being a winter pic but you never can tell about a guy who gets high and plays the bongos in the nude. Yes, this movie is crap. The acting is weak, the story ridiculous and lessons learned are vacuous and cheesy as would be expected by the writers who brought you "Four Christmases." I wonder if they write lame summer themed films too?

State of Play (B+)

Russell Crowe and Ben Affleck star as college roommates all grown up. Crowe must have flunked a few grades as in real life he's 8 years Affleck's senior but reality aside, Crowe winds up a D.C. journalist and Affleck a Kennedyesque Congressman. Affleck's character is heading up and investigative committee looking into the potential war crimes committed by a BlackWater type corporation. When his assistant/lover turns up dead, there might be a connection. It's a very good movie about 87.5% way thru and Crowe can really carry a film, especially as the hard nosed, grizzled, old time newspaper reporter who will uncover the truth wherever it takes him. Unfortunately, they toss in an entirely unnecessary twist right at the end that is way obvious and serves no purpose other than an attempt to be tricky. The story (most of it) is good, the acting watchable and the topic ripped from the headlines. Too bad they added one too many ingredients.

17 Again (C)

There are what? about a dozen of these midlife crisis adults turned into a high school kid by magic movies. This is just one more and falls somewhere in the middle of the pack. Just about as entertaining as the 1988 "Vice Versa" starring Judge Reinhold and Fred Savage of the Wonder Years but it's certainly no "Big" starring Tom Hanks. Teen girls will ooh and ahh over Zac Efron as they have been Pavlovianly conditioned to do by the evil geniuses at Disney corp. Poor unemployed Mathew Perry ("Friends") plays the transformed adult version. This style of film has become so common place that the director doesn't even attempt to explain the magic part, its handled by a mysterious school janitor...ohhhkay. These stories work only because it is part of the human condition to wonder "what if I could do it all over again?" and to the film makers credit, they don't screw with that convention. On the other hand, how many of us had a high school experience similar to Zac Efron's??? Notice how they hardly ever transform into to the nerdy kid from the A/V club with bad skin and no car.

Crank (High Voltage) (D)

Big fan of Jason Statham ("The Transporter") and the lovely Amy Smart ("Varsity Blues") but I hated the first of this series...just "Crank," in which surprisingly enough, Statham's character Chev Chelios ends the film by going splat on the pavement after falling off a skyscraper. At least they didn't make it a freakin pre-quel, I hate those. But they do bring him back to life in the worst sort of daytime soap kind of way. Amy has even a smaller part in this one and just gets trotted out for a quick sex scene...so not a total waste of her time or talents. The rest of the movie is Grand Theft Auto crap come to life. I hope they're making huge money on this franchise because they are so much better actors than this material. Rent one of Statham's Guy Ritchie films and skip this garbage (Snatch, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels).

Crossing Over (C)

No this isn't the story of some guy from New York who can help you talk to your dead relatives. A fairly heavyweight cast including Harrison Ford, Ray Liotta and Ashley Judd star in this movie about illegal immigration in America. Instead of black folks, you insert Mexicans, Iranians and Koreans and use the same script from "Crash." It's one of those trendy ensemble pieces where all these different story lines run off in separate directions but converge at the end into one neat little fabric of life tapestry. It didn't work in "Babel" and it doesn't work here either. The acting is passable but it's so one sided and preachy and as a personal commentary WRONG in its politics as to be annoying. Poor, poor illegals...they are just the salt of the earth and put upon buy the evil and uncaring U.S. Government. Alice Eve makes her stunning film debut and should certainly gain some notoriety from her role as a struggling actress from Australia but everyone else is just doing their Hollywood political soap box thing thinly veiled as a movie. Ok, here's the movie's official tagline, you decide: "Every day thousands of people illegally cross our borders... only one thing stands in their way. America."

FANBOYS (C-)

Fanboys is a story about a group of high school friends who are now adult-(ish) and struggling to cope with the required level of maturity to function in a grownup world. Because one of them is dying of cancer, they opt for one last road trip to steal an advanced copy of "The Phantom Menace" from Skywalker ranch because their croaking friend won't live long enough to see the premiere. The Star Wars prequel (see above) came out in 1999. How the hell can you have a period piece from just 10 years ago?? They make it seem like 1979. Ok so they're all Star Wars nerds and this is their Holy quest, driving cross county - comedy ensues, including hilarious (sarcasm) cameos by: William Shatner, Seth Rogen, Seth Rogen (not a typo), Carrie Fisher, Billy Dee Williams and Kevin Smith. It just wasn't that funny and the premise was week to start with and never really got any better.

Fighting (D)

Did you see Jean Claude Van Damme's "Lion Heart" (1990)?? Well, apparently these guys did too. With the exception of him not having a French accent, or being a real fighter...or actor for that matter, it's the exact same, albeit shittier movie. I would have rather seen JCVD in it again. With the exception of Terrence Howard, who picked up this stinker after he got kicked off the "Iron Man II" sequel for wanting more money, you've never heard or seen any of these people before and I suspect you never will again. The first rule of fight club...oh wait, that's from a GOOD movie.

Obsessed (D)

"Obsessed" is in the same vein as "Disclosure" and "Fatal Attraction" but unfortunately a less interesting, poorly acted, BET version. Starring Idris Elba ?? exactly, Beyonce Knowles (not singing) and Ali Larter ("Heroes") as the crazy white girl trying to steal Beyonce's man. Just really amateurish and stilted acting, wholly unbelievable and not sexy at all. Beyonce was also executive producer which means she paid for this out of her singing money, which is a shame because given the right material, she is a decent actress (see: "Cadillac Records"). In this film, she's got such memorable lines as: "I'm-a wipe the floor wit yo skinny ass." All I can say is Snap girlfriend, talk to the hand or Oh no you did-en't Beyonce...or whatever, I don't know.

Phantom Punch (C)

You most likely won't catch this one in theaters but you might see it on the shelf when it gets to DVD. It's a quasi bio pic about Sonny Liston, who was one of the greatest heavyweight boxing champs you've probably never heard of. He took the title from Floyd Patterson in a 1st round knock out in 1962 only to give it up to a brash, up and coming fighter named Cassius Clay (Muhammad Ali) in 1964. Liston was the Mike Tyson of his era, in and out of trouble with the law and with supposed ties to organized crime. This film is about the Ali rematch in which Liston went down for the count about 2 min. into the fight from a punch that never seemed to connect from Ali. In 1971 after never regaining any boxing notoriety, Liston was found dead in his Las Vegas home from an apparent heroin overdose. The mystery revolves around the fact that Liston was famous for his fear of needles and even refused a lucrative bout in England because it required him to get inoculated for the trip. Robert Townsend ("The Five Heartbeats") directs Ving Rhames ("Con Air") as Liston. I like Ving but this film shows why he's a much better supporting cast than principal in a film. He just didn't have the acting chops to carry a movie by himself and really illustrated how remarkable a piece of work Will Smith's "Ali" was. In this case, the actual history is more interesting than the movie about it.

FAST and FURIOUS (C)

Not to be confused with THE Fast and THE Furious of 2001. Returning from the first movie are Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jordana Brewster and for a second...Michelle Rodriguez. There's a lame cameo of Sung Kang (Tokyo Drift) as well. So while the first and third celebrated cars and racing, this one is about pay back and drug running. There are cars, don't get me wrong but they've (excuse the pun ahead of time) taken a backseat to the characters. Paul Walker, Vin Diesel in a character based film? Uh oh. Yeah, its not very good and much like the 2nd Too Fast, seems much more like an MTV music video than a feature film. Vin was too high and mighty for a while to even contemplate a return to his Dominic Torretto role, but after his rip roarin success in Babylon A.D. and The Pacifier, I guess he reconsidered. May I suggest you, the viewer reconsider watching this film until it hits DVD.

OBSERVE AND REPORT (F)

Seth Rogen (Zack and Miri) stars as a mall cop...what a wholly fresh and unique concept. I really wish they'd make more mall cop movies. I was just remarking the other day...you know what is a completely unexplored genre? mall cop films. Well, this one certain gives Paul Blart a run for his money, as it sucks equally as bad. Rogen has been less and less funny exponentially since "Knocked Up" which at this point puts him well into the negative numbers. He plays this one totally straight and as such is annoying and weird but not funny. Basically this is the story of what would have happened if one of the disturbed kids from Columbine High School grew up and got a wannabe job as a mall security guard. They were shooting for dark comedy but it doesn't work because that requires subtly and acting skill which are both talents that elude Rogen and his mongoloid brand of yuk yuk humor from jr. high. The very funny and talented Anna Faris ("House Bunny") is also in it but even she can't save this piece of shit. If you think I'm being overly rough, let me just say I would rather watch one of the Deuce Bigelow sequels than sit thru this turd again.

I Love You Man (B-)

Paul Rudd ("Role Models") and Jason Segal ("Forgetting Sarah Marshall") star as new friends involved in a bro-mance of sorts. Rudd's character gets engaged and discovers he doesn't have any really good male friends. So as to not have a lop sided wedding party, he embarks on a mission to man up as it were. He meets the wild and crazy Segal and becomes fast friends with his new BFF. Not everyone is as happy about his new buddy and conflicts ensue. It's pretty funny in spots and the two stars are very talented comedicly but some of the gags go a bit too far and even though it wasn't, it has moments when it feels like a chick wrote their interpretation of what they think guys are really like. With 2 other stars it could have been dreadful, as is, it's passably entertaining.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (B-)

I am a declining fan of the X-Men series as I seem to like them less and less as they go along. I really liked the first one so much and as would be expected, Wolverine was by far the most likeable character. So I was hopeful for a new installment chronicling how he got to be the steel clawed, smart ass superhero we all love. There were glimpses throughout the other films eluding to his 'origins' but not enough to really piece together. Surprisingly enough, those questions about Wolverine's beginnings should have stayed a mystery. The story of what actually happened to him was rather bland and disappointing. It begins like "Highlander" where Wolverine and his brother (Liev Schreiber) go thru history showing the lapse of time through a montage of them fighting in wars throughout the centuries. They never quite explain why they run away from home as children, continue to mature as normal adolescents, reach manhood and then cease to age?? Then at the end there is some ridiculous amnesia twist to make the last 97 min. non existent, which in the big picture, may be for the best after all. This could have been so much better.

Monsters and Aliens (C-)

Here's a really new concept. Take the unused footage from two separate movies, hang it on a convoluted storyline to make it somewhat fit and get to recycle all the crap footage you couldn't use from the first 2 movies that this one is based on. Seth Rogan ("Knocked Up") even finds a way to be annoying when you just hear his voice and don't see his fat, doofy ass. This movie wasn't even cute...for kids.

12 Rounds (C)

This film stars pro wrestler, John Cena. When I first heard about this film I was a little confused. Cena has made two films to date. Here are the actual plot descriptions for each. You'll see why I was a bit perplexed.

12 Rounds: Detective Danny Fisher discovers his girlfriend has been kidnapped by an ex-con tied to Fisher's past, and he'll have to successfully complete 12 challenges in order to secure her safe release.

The Marine: A group of diamond thieves on the run kidnap the wife of a recently discharged marine who goes on a chase through the South Carolinian wilderness to retrieve her.

Holy typecasting Batman! He's not only playing the same kinds of roles, he's making the same movie over and over again!!

Knowing (D)

MORMON ALERT!! Wow, I went along for the ride on this one and figured with it staring Nick Cage, it would be a bit quirky but had no idea where we were off to. The first part is very M. Night Shyamalan-esque where a professor's child brings home some strange document retrieved from a time capsule buried at the grade school back in the 50's. As he investigates the writings further, he discovers it's a blueprint for every major disaster through history and into the not too distant future. Unfortunately, where we wind up is telling some not to subtle version of the LDS celestial kingdom prophecy along with the big white tree of life and wispy angel like aliens and and and...it's all right off the temple murals. This movie is to Mormonism what "Battlefield Earth" was to the Scientologists. I hate when they do that!

Killshot (D)

You can read below how very impressed I was with Mickey Rourke's performance in "The Wrestler." Based on this film, I'm glad that he didn't win an Oscar. In Killshot, Rourke plays a native american hit man with pony tail and fluxuating accent that flips back and forth between Jersey and something from F-troop. It goes a bit like this - Hey yo, use guys over dehr... uh, me black eagle, me come from many moons away. It's just horrible. Diane Lane plays the scared wife and spends most of the film in wide eyed fear as the script unfolds around her. It's just really, really bad on so many levels. Skip it for sure.

Race to Witch Mountain (C-)

Another wrestler turned actor, Dwyane "The Rock" Johnson remake..er, re-imagines the 1975 Disney classic, Escape to Witch Mountain. Johnson plays a vegas cabbie who picks up two kids during a UFO convention and heads for the hills. The generic black SUV's are chasing them and some Close Encounter special effects are obviously in their future. Johnson just walks thru this one like all his kid friendly roles. No one else really makes an impression either. Bottom line, as with most of these retreads, go rent the original again if you want to see a good movie. Let me tell you whose in that one: Eddie Albert, Ray Milland, Donald Pleasence and Denver Pyle. All legendary actors.

Watchmen (A)

The Watchmen is a film based on a graphic novel about a group of masked crime fighters (not super heroes) who exist in a parallel version of America where Nixon is still President and a pending full scale nuclear war with Russia is eminent. There are a lot of characters in this film and I was concerned that without sufficient development, they would fall prey to the same glossing over that ruined the 3rd X-men movie. If you try to jam too many characters in, especially from a novel, you run the risk of just naming them off and not allowing the audience to know who they are and what their individual motivations might be. "Watchmen" did a very good job of identifying and fleshing out the plethora of masked heroes. The movie is probably a good 25 min. too long in the middle which I assume was required to keep faithful to the book. The 3rd reel however picks up speed and the action is really good. Directed by the same guy who brought you the superb "300," this film doesn't drown you in green screen effects with the possible exception of the 'Dr. Manhattan' character. The real saving grace for me was 'Rorschach' whose masked face morphs from one psychologically determining ink blot to another. As I said, these are not super heroes...basically just a bunch of people who took it upon themselves to be masked crime fighters for a myriad of personal reasons. As such, they are not the squeaky clean, above reproach lot you usually find donning capes. They are humans and as such, come with a whole bag of insecurities, vices, shortcomings and even some insanity. It's fairly brutal, graphic and bloody but it doesn't seem gratuitous. It also stars two of the hottest women working in film - Carla Gugino ("Sin City") and Malin Akerman ("The Heartbreak Kid") who takes some getting used to as a brunette. Hands down though, the best thing about "Watchmen" is 'Rorschach' who is brilliantly played by recognizable child actor grown up, Jackie Earle Haley who you may recall from such 70's classics as "The Bad News Bears" and "Breaking Away." Talk about a come back! It's a really good movie though and will definitely appeal to the people who like graphic novels, comic books and these kinds of movies.

Green Street Hooligans 2 (F)

The original "Green Street" was such a brilliant film that I always recommend it to friends and readers, I was understandably hesitant when I heard about a sequel that retained only one subordinate member of the original cast. Where the first film was about an American college kid getting wrapped up in British soccer hooliganism, this second incarnation takes place entirely in the UK prison system. The story is pathetic, like someone who went on a drunken binge to Blockbuster and just grabbed two random old movies off the shelf, watched them and then combined them into a sequel screenplay having almost nothing to do with the original film. For those of you who know your movies, the 2 off the shelf would have been "Victory" starring Sly Stallone and any one of the "Penitentiary" movies starring Leon Issac Kennedy, (the only actor I can recall who took his super model wife's name when they got married and added it to his own. I guess he assumed he was entitled to joint custody of her talent and good looks.) Anyway avoid this mess of a movie as you would a real gang of teeth kickers coming from the pub.

The International (C)

I really like Clive Owen ("Children of Men") but he's kinda in a rut when it comes to parts. He's really played this same type of character in like the last half dozen films he's been in to one degree or another. The film tries to make international banking as exciting as espionage but it is rather dull like if you took accountants and deputized them all as secret agents. I thought it was plodding, predictable and a bit tired. It even seemed like Owen got rather bored about half way thru as well. Who can blame him?

What Doesn't Kill You (B)

Ethan Hawke ("Training Day") and Mark Ruffalo ("In the Cut") star as childhood friends growing up in the hard part of Southie Boston and rising up through the ranks of the local criminals. Although based on a true story and co-written by Boston native and actor Donnie Walhberg, it seems from the get go to be a formula picture. Starts out JUST like "Goodfellas" and then rips off a dozen or so mob and crime films along the way. Hawke turns in a respectable performance as the mouthy, quick tempered criminal type and Ruffalo dances with the crack addict role mostly to show off his dramatic chops but it just never gets any traction as a film and even with a flash back/forward plot device, you know where this is headed about 2 min. in. "The Departed" and "Gone Baby Gone" are far superior films in the same genre.

NEW IN TOWN (C-)

Renee Zellweger plays the hard driven, career woman in search of boardroom success who stumbles upon romance in the most unlikely place, the frozen tundra of Minnesota. Harry Connick Jr. is the labor leader of the factory Zellweger is sent to downsize and she falls hook, line and sinker for his flannel shirt charms. She plays the same role you've seen her in twenty times, as does Connick. So what makes this film unique? Absolutely nothing.

STILL WAITING (F)

As a sequel to "Waiting," which explored the hijinx of what really goes on in the back of a typical franchise restaurant, this subsequent film is just trying to exploit the modicum of success achieved by the first one. A T&A comedy, with out hardly any T or A? An R rated film that says "fudge" and "poop" instead of the more commonly used adult vernacular. This is probably considered porn...in Salt Lake City!!

PUSH (D)

Dakota Fanning, coming off her controversial roll in "Hounddog," stars as one of a group of young people with special powers being chased by a another group who wishes to control them. "Heroes" meets "Jumper"...nuf said, except it's not as good as either one.

TAKEN (A-)

Liam Neeson is a retired operative who while off being a super spy, missed his daughter's childhood. Now, he's moved back to be close to her and his estranged wife to try to make up for lost time. When his daughter goes on a trip to Paris and subsequently gets kidnapped by eastern block slave traders, Neeson's character puts his former resume' to good use in tracking her down. Neeson is very good and believable when his passion for retrieving his daughter and his highly developed skill set as an agent provocateur come together. It is NOT as good as the Bourne films, but in the neighborhood.

FROST/NIXON (B)

Frank Langella reprises his role from the Broadway play and brings 'tricky dick' to a whole new generation. Michael Sheen ("Blood Diamond") does a better than adequate job of portraying British talk show host, David Frost. This Ron Howard film basically puts flesh and bone to a well documented, historical meeting between the two, where the former President admitted his wrong doing and complicity in the Watergate scandal during an interview. It was interesting to see beyond the transcript, the personalities of these two dynamic characters.

MILK (B)

Sean Penn stars as Harvey Milk, one of the first openly gay elected officials who was g