11 was the reason we should go to war with Iraq, then this is your film. Not once in this film does the writer or director even attempt to search for meaning or motivation for the individuals on the other side of the ideology. The tumultuous and complex world we live in is nowhere near as simple as this film would like you to believe. On the other hand, I’m sure President Bush has a new favorite film.

SCORE CARD NEW!

(A+) - Very good to Great film, a must see!

(A)   - Really Good film, enjoyable time at the movies

(A-) - Good movie with one or two small problems

(B+) - Oh so close to being good

(B) - Will appeal to most

(B-) - Usually an average movie with a standout role

(C+) - Just ok, delivers on promise

(C)   - Completely average film, nothing special

(C-) - Just slightly better than sucking

(D) - Is for Dumb!

(F) - HORRIBLE. I want my money and my time back and I urge you to burn the original print and never speak of this film again.

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FILM SCHOOL 101

DAVID

Welcome to FILM SCHOOL 101. My page will be primarily dedicated to the discussion of film and cinema related topics including reviews of new release films, critiques of classic films and general cinematic knowledge and debate.

On this page I will only discuss films that I personally enjoy or have some specific interest in. I am a professional film critic, NOT a film reviewer or entertainment editor. I have degrees in film production and film criticism and have been writing about film for over 10 years. If you want a book report on a movie, celebrity gossip, or pandering to studio publicity, you will not find that here. My job is simply to tell you what I thought of the film and why.

In Theaters Now

2012 (F)

The biggest disaster here is this movie. Roland Emmrich ("Independence Day, Godzilla") co-wrote and directed this dreadful, absurd, ludicrous and entirely unbelievable crap. John Cusack ("Say Anything") stars as a limo driver/author who discovers from Woody Harrelson that civilization is going to end according to a terminus prediction of the Mayan calendar that the world will end on 12-21-2012. Then the ground starts to shake and for the next 29 min. the planet continues to explode juuuuuuuuuuuuust at Cusack's heels as he escapes time after time with his family in tow. Everywhere he goes, from downtown L.A. to Yellowstone to China, the abyss of the apocalypse is looming in his rear view mirror. All the usual landmarks get demolished and the obligatory Poseidon tsunami finishes off whatever the earthquakes and volcanoes missed. Just the worst kind of unrealistic CGI and a whole lot of chicken little, the sky is falling acting. But hey, it's got a black President so it's topical.

A Christmas Carol (B+)

This movie left me very conflicted. Dicken's classic tale of a miserly curmudgeon who must learn his lesson and right his ways after being visited by the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future is one of my all time favorites and a masterpiece of both literature and film. This is a very authentic telling of the story and by no means, a watered down, kid friendly version of the frightful and perilous cautionary tale against not having good will toward man. The story is so faithful in fact that I would not have any reservation in saying that it could potentially be emotionally disturbing to any viewer under 12 years old. It's a very good movie to boot but here's my conundrum, I absolutely hate this new, video game style, quasi real/quasi animated abomination of film making. What is the point of having an actor say all the lines, actually putting the real life actors face ON the avatar and then taking 3 years of computer programming to make the lifeless, dimensionless, character do the exact same things the actor would have done? For this same reason I despised Beowulf, and Polar Express and any other movie that bastardizes the medium of film. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should and from a technology standpoint, this is the cinematic equivalent of cloning sheep. My diatribe on film ethics aside, this was a good movie and in keeping with versions past, made the viewer introspective about how well they are practicing the golden rule in their own lives and in this day of dog eat dog and greed, the message of this film has never been more timely or appropriate. I would have just liked to seen some PEOPLE in it dammit!! The 1938 Alastair Sims version is still the BEST.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1l1_82x2BO4&feature=related

Paranormal Activity (C)

This movie has been greatly touted for costing very little to make and dragging huge box office numbers. Some irony here is that obvious comparisons have been made to "The Blair Witch Project" (1999) mostly due to the budget/profit similarities and both being within the supernatural thriller genre. Another parallel exists, in that without Blair Witch, there couldn't have or perhaps wouldn't have been a "Paranormal Activity" both in the fact that it's obvious that the writers and directors saw the former and it influenced the later but also that the original is in all ways better than the reincarnation. My own unscientific survey has lead me to conclude that the people who enjoyed Paranormal had for the most part heard of, but not seen Blair Witch and the people who had seen Blair Witch were underwhelmed by Paranormal. I found the acting to be very amateurish and while that lent itself to a feeling of reality in Blair Witch, it just looks very You Tube-y here. Although there are some "Booo!" moments built into the film, it never raised the palpable sense of genuine terror and dread that Blair Witch did for me. Where the Blair Witch could have used a little less snot, this movie needed a slightly more polished story and much better acting.

This is It (B)

This is the new Michael Jackson, behind the scenes, concert film. I was concerned going in that this was going to be another way to ring out some doe ray me from the dead superstar. It's obvious that there is no shortage of people trying to cash in on the king of pop's resurgent popularity in death. I was thankfully surprised that this is a legitimate, insightful film that is well done and very thought provoking on a multitude of levels.

The camera follows Jackson thru the arduous and demanding rehearsal process leading up to his farewell tour in Europe. It shows Jackson the performer, not the salacious tabloid freak that has been his most recent incarnation. Jackson sings ALL his hits and to be honest, I was looking hard for a chink in the armour. A missed note, some foot dragging, something that would coincide with his fragile constitution and pharmaceutical lifestyle. Nothing. Jackson was dead on, and unlike so many other superstars who attempt a comeback with less than stellar results, he was on top of his game down the line.

You could see it throughout the film, Jackson has been rehearsing this tour in his head for the last 20 years, every step, every note, every move. One thing that struck me was that in this day and age of lip syncing and auto tuning, Jackson could actually sing and moreover, they played real live music behind him and it sounded just like the record! It was brutally evident that this was not some over produced, studio soundtrack, pop star concert of today. There was legitimate talent on that stage, and real music was actually being played by musicians.

It dawned on me too while watching this movie that Jackson was like a pro athlete, like a Terrell Owens or Mike Tyson. Talented, gifted and brilliant at their sport but complete trainwrecks as human beings. Jackson comes to life on stage, he's home there and all the neurosis and bizarre behavior fade into the background under the spotlight. Jackson is in command...of EVERYTHING. As he rehearses, he's fixing lighting cues, rewriting music on the spot, teaching his backup dancers some new moves and all the while, being Michael Jackson.

As he performs his catalog of memorable hits, you slowly begin to remember what a special person he was and how amazingly gifted. But the shear volume of the material and the physical demands that exact such a tremendous toll on a performer like Jackson left me with little doubt that combining his up and down chemical lifestyle with that Herculean tour would have killed him anyway.

I felt both sad and joyous for Michael, as he obviously struggled with the most basic elements of humanity and lead what appears to be a mostly joyless and surprisingly unfulfilled life. Sad too, that his fans and the world missed out on what would have surely been the most remarkable concert tour in recent memory, if not all time. But at the same time consoled in the notion that in his final days, Jackson was in the one place on this earth that he was comfortable, un-self-conscious , in control and dare I say, happy. He was a fading star, past his zenith but still bright enough that he was ready for his close-up. I have attached a couple of links to montages of Jackson's prolific hits. With all his personal demons aside, watching him in his element and performing to the crowd cannot help but bring a smile to your face and warm your heart toward a troubled and brilliant man.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4fkOQPNxSc&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPYZAGMA7S0&feature=related

Capitalism: A Love Story (C)

Michael Moore ("Fahrenheit 9-11") points his documentary camera at capitalism and how it seems to be holding up in modern America. He's tackled some poignant issues in his career from the collapsing auto industry to the questionable policies of the Bush administration following the attacks on the WTC, to health care. This time, Moore takes on the sacred cow of Democracy by questioning whether capitalism is the best possible economic system for America or has rampant greed and corruption lead to its, and by extension our collapse. He makes some valid points and does his usual and admirable pulling back of the curtain on hypocrisy and falsehoods but, and this is a big but (no pun intended cause he's a fat guy) but, he cherry picks hard in this film and doesn't really give capitalism an even break. Sure, if you shoot your whole movie in D.C. and on Wall St. you're gonna find some scum bags but capitalism is a much broader concept than the treatment it gets in this film. Moore's running out of windmills to charge and this modern day Don Quixote comes off smarmier and douchier than usual. Could have been a much better film if he had focused more on the effect than on the cause.

Cirque du Freak - The Vampire's Assistant (D)

I guess this is another in a long string of teen vampire book series made into a film. Since I haven't read any of the books and I'm not a teen, I will just be reviewing this as a film. It sucked. John C. Reilly plays the vampire and he attempts to make it an everyman, down to earth, relatable creature instead of the mysterious and supernatural vampires we've all become accustom to. The assistant is even more mundane and forgettable and the whole story vacillates between silly and boring. Obviously geared toward the 13 and under demo, it was very difficult to sit thru and nothing I saw on the screen would prompt me to pick up the book(s). Seemed very much like they were just trying to cash in on preteen Halloween movie audiences. This is the movie you'd get if Nickelodeon was in the horror movie business.

Law Abiding Citizen (B-)

Oooh so close. This was a pretty good film til they completely blew the ending. "Citizen" is about an average guy (Gerard Butler) whose family is brutally murdered. Jamie Foxx plays the self serving, D.A. who makes a plea deal with the murderers. Butler's character takes rightful exception to that and spends 10 years plotting out his plan to deliver the retributive justice he was denied by way of judicial expediency. He holds all those responsible to account. Butler's character happens to be a tinkerer, an inventor of gadgets, which comes in quite handy as he doles out justice from within the confines of prison. He's light years smarter than everyone in the film up to the end when the story dumbs wayyy down. It was reminiscent of the gangster films of the 20's and 30's, where you rooted for the bad guy thru the whole movie and then the production code mandated that he die in a profane and horrific way so the message that crime doesn't pay would be driven home to the movie going audience. Butler is charismatic as always, although a little hard to swallow as an average Joe. Foxx is totally unbelievable as the rising star Assistant District Attorney and comes off more like the Cosby show version of L.A. Law. "Citizen" tries to make a point about the maladjusted priorities of the current juris prudence system and does of fair job of making it's case. The story is engrossing and the premise sufficiently interesting to warrant a viewing but if you're like me, you'll be sorely disappointed at how they totally bailed on the ending.

Couples Retreat (C-)

They should have called this "The Breakup - takes a Vacation." Vaughn and Favreau reteam with life long friend and former childstar turned director, Peter Billingsley to hammer out another in a string of disappointing, dreary and tired attempts at comedy. The couples are all whiney and depressing and without redeeming qualities for the most part. Vaughn (39) is married to Malin Ackerman (31) that you may remember from "The Heartbreak Kid" where she was in a romantic comedy in a fabulous resort setting. Jason Bateman (40) is married to Kristen Bell (29) who you may remember from "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" where she was in a romantic comedy set at a fabulous resort. Favreau (43) is teamed with Kristin Davis (44), comes off like an octanagerian by comparison and who the best I can tell, has never been in a romantic resort comedy before. They had no original story, and with all the popular talent that showed up, not much funny going on either. So what you're left with is that the movie going public is subsidizing Vaughn's living large lifestyle where he and Favreau get to go to Bali for 6 months and make out with hot chicks. As tropical romantic comedies go, this wasn't even as funny as "Captain Ron" starring Kurt Russell and Martin Short. Very disappointing for the people they had.

ZOMBIELAND (A)

I really wasn't quite sure what to expect from this film. The previews had looked rather banal, mostly Woody Harrelson attacking some grocery store zombies with a banjo. It could go either way as far as zombie films go. I have to say that I was so pleasantly surprised to find that "Zombieland" turned out to be just a very fun and enjoyable film. Don't get me wrong, it's not a total send up or parody or spoof at all. The zombies are sufficiently blood thirsty and menacing and unlike 1960's zombies, they are capable of running you down if your cardio isn't up to par. The master stroke of this film is in the character development. Harrelson plays a half crazed, off the wall...who are we kidding, he's playing Woody Harrelson but damn he's fun to watch in this movie. To create balance, the story's narrator is a loser, dork, nerd college kid who survives by sticking to a set of zombie rules that he's established. Along the way, they run into 2 resourceful sisters who are trying to get to a west coast amusement park they've heard is a zombie free zone. There are the Romero classics, and the avant guard "Shaun of the Dead" but this may be my new favorite zombie film. It's that good.

Watch the trailer here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-cIjPOJdFM

Surrogates (B-)

"Surrogates" is the futuristic story of a society where everyone lives their lives thru robotic surrogates that they control from the slothy comfort of their own home. These surrogates can be younger, better looking, whatever you want and whatever they experience, you experience. Bruce Wills plays a cop who runs across a dead surrogate and discovers whatever killed the proxy, killed the human at the controls at the same time - which isn't supposed to be able to happen. Willis opts to shed his surrogate and tackle the investigation old school by just walking around himself. It's an interesting commentary on where we are headed as a society and what role technology plays in our quality of life. It will also make you ponder a very serious what if? What if tomorrow, you could flip a switch and all the gameboys, Wii's, playstations, and X-boxes ceased to work forever? What would that world look like and would that necessarily be a bad thing? Back to the movie, its a bit too long and the story breaks down some in the middle and it has some pathetic special effects (ala "Westworld" 1973) but it's a decent film and certainly thought provoking. There's still just something about Willis doing sci-fi that makes me flash back to "The Fifth Element."

Jennifer's Body (D)

Diablo Cody, who wrote "Juno," penned this tale about a stuck up high school girl who gets her comeuppance in spades when a rock band tries to sacrifice her in a Satanic ritual that goes very wrong. As a result, she becomes a literal femme fatale from the underworld and begins to exact her vengeance on those around her, mostly by seducing them and then eating their faces. The term succubus refers to a demon who takes the form of a woman, who seduces men in order to steal their souls. This move got the 'suck' part right. Let's face it, Megan Fox is a total bitch, with the personality of wet lumber, certainly no actress and ironically, if it wasn't for her looks, she would be by all accounts, universally despised. She has however in real life, cast her spell on countless hoards of pubescent teens and lecherous middle-aged men. She is the female equivalent of those greasy, abusive, bad boys who steal the nice girls savings, give her a black eye and sleeps with her sister and yet...they still love the creep. This movie stunk but the people who went to see it, went because it had the remote possibility of showing Ms. Fox in some state of disrobe or perhaps in a titillating exchange that involved some tongue. I have found a way to break this she-devil's siren's song. Concentrate on her completely retarded, oversized tattoo of Marilyn Monroe that she has emblazoned (for real) on her forearm. Then you'll go "what the fuck is so great about her?"

Also in Theaters...

GAMER (C+)

"Gamer" is a film that takes place in a not so distant future, where video gaming has evolved to the point where people control other actual people instead of avatars inside the game. Think 'Call of Duty' meets "The Running Man" and you have a very good feel for what this film is about. Gerard Butler ("300") is the inside the game player who in reality is a convicted murderer who will be set free if his gamemaster can get him thru level 30 without dying. There is a lot of story of here, perhaps too much, as this film tries with varying success to comment on nano and bio technology, voluntary enslavement thru mind control, the downfall of a virtual society, etc. It's all very ambitious on paper but the film makers bit off more than they could handle trying to put it up on the screen. Added to the complexity of the underlying topics is a distracting and amateurish shooting style with choppy, jump cuts and blacklight cinematography. The movie 'looks' horrible and even the combat action scenes suffer from all the cuts and (un)steady cam shots. It looks like a cross between "Tron" and a Gary Numan video from the 80's ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ldyx3KHOFXw ). Butler has a big future in action films, he's great to watch and a very believable bad ass. "Gamer" however is a film that would probably be a better book to read than a motion picture. I gave them points for an intelligent premise although poorly executed.

Extract (C)

This is one of those quirky little comedies that seems more at home in a film festival than a Cineplex. It stars Jason Bateman ("Arrested Development") as the owner of an extract company. Extract, as in vanilla... very random and has no bearing at all on the story beyond the title. Mike Judge ("Office Space") wrote this, so I had high hopes. Its moderately entertaining and pretty light hearted, in keeping with Bateman's HBO work and co stars a very pretty Mila Kunis, as a grifter-scam artist that literally disappears from the story like they ran out of ink, an understated Kristen Wiig (SNL), and Ben Affleck as the stoner bartender. I don't really care for "big" stars who jump into these supporting player roles to prove their blue collar work ethic. Basically this is the story of a bored, yuppie guy who doesn't realize all the good he has in his life and it takes a litany of disasters to show him the error of his ways. Unfortunately, this film doesn't even have as much flair as a Chotchkie's waitress.

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard (D-)

This movie is what happens when no talent, hack writers watch a good movie and then attempt to 'reimagine' it, or as it used to be called - rip it off. The movie they were shooting for was the brilliantly funny, classic "Used Cars" starring Kurt Russell from 1980. The cast of "The Goods" is composed of some very familiar faces who are proven comedic talents, like Jeremy Piven ("Entourage"), Ed Helms ("The Hangover"), David Koechner ("Anchorman") and some real actors, like Ving Rhames and James Brolin. This is another in a long string of stinkers produced by Will Ferrell, who also makes a just ridiculous, unnecessary and worst of all, unfunny cameo as a skydiving Abe Lincoln who has a pink backpack full of sex toys instead of a parachute. Its just a bad, bad, not funny at all, comedy. Piven is the hired gun, used car salesmen extraordinaire who comes to town to help out an ailing dealership over the 4th of July weekend. He loses his focus when he falls for the lot owner's daughter and thinks he may have found his illegitimate son. He gives a dozen, pumped up, rally the troops speeches that are all completely unbelievable and has more unprovoked mood swings than Fran Dresher in menopause. Just a dreadful, awful, painful movie going experience on just about every level. This is the kind of movie where about 10 minutes into it, you start to feel bad for the cast. This movie is a Lemon!!

Inglourious Basterds (C-)

Now I'll be the first to admit that Quentin Tarantino has made some truly excellent films (Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, True Romance) but at the same time, he's made some deplorable movies as well. In my opinion, as Tarantino's ego gets bigger ...if that is even possible at this juncture, his films get more and more self indulgent, quirky and bad. This movie is not as horrible as "Death Proof" but then again, few things are. Its also nowhere near as good as any of the previously mentioned films in his repertoire. This was a very superficial send up of some classic WWII action films like, and I almost hate to mention them in the same breath as this movie but... "The Dirty Dozen, Kelly's Heroes, Force 10 from Navarone, etc." Being the consummate video store nerd, Tarantino even names Brad Pitt's character Aldo Raine. Hmmm could that be a winking homage to the famous character actor of the 50's and 60's, Aldo Ray that appeared in "The Green Beret's" along side John Wayne?? Duhhh. Ok for the synopsis, Raine puts together a bunch of Jewish American soldiers to run what he calls "apache raids" on the Nazi's. Well to be literal, instead of that just meaning guerilla hit and run tactics, Raine goes so far as to have his men actually scalp the Nazi's they kill or capture. You have to reallllly go some to make a WWII hero pic and make your protagonists so heartless, cruel and devoid emotion as to have the Nazis appear sympathetic by comparison. The story has little or no historical context and as such, turns a world war that actually happened (look it up) into some blood splatter, juvenile fantasy of Tarantino's that is without merit, morality or even that entertaining. It is NOT as good as the hype and too cartoony for anyone old enough to actually know who fought in WWII. The ensemble is weak, Pitt is playing over the top again like in "Burn After Reading" and the best actors are all the Europeans who you've never heard of. At this point, the movie is a direct reflection of the auteur. Just as Madonna came back from London with a British accent, Tarantino now refers to himself in the 3rd person almost exclusively and describes his films to the common movie goer using French cinema lingo he picked up in Cannes. I gave it a C- for decent work by the foreign actors.

District 9 (B+)

I almost bailed on this movie 15 min. into it. It starts very slow and very dumb and the lead character has an almost undecipherable South African accent that makes the dialogue very difficult to follow. The story basically centers on an alien ship that hovers over Johannesburg and when the human's pop the can on the space ship, they find a whole colony of dumb, useless, worker aliens who are on the verge of death. The humans, doing what humans do, put them all in an internment camp that for the purposes of this film is a shot for shot redo of the Cuban ghettos in "Scarface." All this is the not so great part. The main character, a weasely little tosser named Wikus Van De Merwe, gets put in charge of a massive relocation project for the aliens because he has married the department head's daughter. During their forced migration policy implementation, Wikus has a too close encounter with the alien culture and winds up becoming infected with a disease that is slowly transforming him into one of the creatures from outer space. Now is when this film starts to pick up. It tackles issues of xenophobia, genocide, apartheid, the role of the UN as peacekeeper, biological weapons, internment camps, refugees, and on and on. All of which are very complex issues and that require much more concentrated brain power from the viewer than lets say a Bruckheimer alien movie. It is all done very smartly however and the genius in this story is that the film maker transitions the audience masterfully from the angry mob p.o.v. at the beginning - to aligning with the put upon aliens by film's end. If they would have shortened/tightened up the first reel, it would have gotten even better marks from me. A smart film about some heavy issues with aliens as metaphor.

G.I. JOE (D)

Well, perhaps this is a generational bias but the new G.I. Joe film seemed very geared toward 10 yr. old boys and unless you were a fan of the more recent incarnations (tiny and without kung fu grip and lifelike hair) and the cartoon show, you will be lost and bored by the extensive roster of characters. They couldn't have missed any, it feels like there was a new one popping up in the story every few seconds. The screenplay must have been written by the toy company's marketing division. Channing Tatum ("Stop Loss") stars as the square jawed, Duke, the all American soldier. He's pretty good at the role he's perfected over several films. Marlon Wayans is in this for supposed comic relief. He should be dishonorably discharged. His watered down, In living color jokes are totally out of place, even in this film geared toward a prepubescent audience. Its full of ridiculous CGI effects and stuff they stole out of the rubbish bin from "Iron Man." I was probably about 1/2 way thru the film before I realized where I had seen this all before. They made the non-parody, serious version of South Park's "Team America" including the destruction of the Eiffel Tower! G.I. Joe...Fuck yeah! hahahaa

Funny People (D) ...for dull, depressing, dreary and dopey

Judd Apatow ("Knocked Up") wrote and directed this film about a famous stand up comedian who discovers he's dying of a rare disease, who attempts to put his life right before his final curtain call. Adam Sandler plays the wildly popular George Simmons, who is funny on stage but a world class jerk off it. As he confronts his mortality, he opts to befriend an up and coming comic played by Seth Rogen ("Pineapple Express") and hires him to be his assistant and part time joke writer. I won't delve into the story beyond mentioning that once he finds out that he might not be dying, he turns back into a wanker. This is one of those circle jerk movies where a small cadre of celebrities get together and think a retelling of their shared, quasi-real life experiences will be entertaining to the public. Its an exercise in egocentric self gratification to think that anyone would really give a shit. The story is depressing and uninspiring despite it's ABC After School Special feel. Rogen just looks like a doofy, grinning idiot throughout and Sandler got talked into this one because he and Apatow were roommates in real life back in the day. Apatow after a handful of funny movies ("Knocked Up, The 40 yr. Old Virgin, Walk Hard") is obviously completely out of material and has no ability to write anything beyond dick jokes. Rogen is a booger eating retard who I wish would just cease to exist, or at least stop being in every fucking movie that comes out. Sandler continues to wander around in this self absorbed, misguided quest to become a real actor and although his performance in "Spanglish" was worthy of praise, he really should just stick to his canteen boy persona and stop torturing the movie going public with his indulgent attempts at stretching as an actor. Also, if Apatow puts his wife and 2 kids in ONE more movie, I'm calling child protective services myself. Obviously, no one else will give them a job. "Funny People" tries to show you the sausage of how comedy gets made and shine a light on the psychological abuse that contributes to the making of a good comedian but this film is just like watching home movies of someone you don't care for. Amateurish and poorly constructed, even the celebrity cameos are fleeting and superfluous. This not only wasn't funny OR dramatic, it was more sad, in a pathetic and unredeeming way.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (B-)

Harry and the gang are back at Hogworts to continue their fight against the dark forces of Lord Voldemort. Seeing as how they are all well into their teens at this point, JK Rowling and the director took it upon themselves to turn up the hormones to high in this one. I guess to compete with the unrequited love of all the teen vampire series that are so popular or just to escalate the storyline from juvenile fiction into teen drama, the new HP film is like a soap opera at times with each of the 3 main characters falling madly, deeply, annoyingly in love with some OTHER character. Its a well constructed film and the CGI /cinematography is in keeping with the outstanding visuals that have come to be synonymous with the franchise. The story was ok, it held your attention well enough around all the 'snogging' (kissing) going on. Its easily 30 min. too long in the middle and the twists are fairly predictable, save the big one toward the end that reveals the half blood prince's identity. Unfortunately, they took a beat from the "Lord of the Rings" and "Pirates of the Caribbean" and made a movie that simply exists to get you to come back for the next installment. This movie doesn't have an ending and is by no means a stand alone film. Its disappointingly, in the last frame, nothing more than a 153 min. movie teaser for "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" parts I AND II that are already in production for 2010, 2011 release. Its not the best of the series or the worst but a decent film - but ONLY if you've seen all the others.

New Release DVD's

Bruno (F)

Sacha Baron Cohen returns in a new, flamboyant incarnation of an Austrian Fashion celebrity named Bruno. Cohen attempts to recapture his success with "Borat" but apparently didn't understand what made that movie funny. It wasn't him. It was the reactions and responses he got from the people his over the top character encountered. In this film, Bruno simply runs over the unsuspecting real people and just does one ridiculous and disgusting thing after another. It's all shock value and no substance. It's Jackass with an emphasis on the ASS, as every "joke" revolves around being gay. His 4 funny trailer moments you've seen in the preview, the rest is crap. Here is where Cohen would take the word crap and make a joke about how he loves where crap comes from and then kiss a gerbil with his tongue and wink at the camera. Oh my god! That's soooo funny. He's very fortunate to have escaped Cullman Alabama with his life, seriously. I absolutely loved "Borat" almost as much as I completely hated this skat.

Public Enemies (C)

Johnny Depp plays public enemy #1, John Dillinger - the famous gangster and notorious bank robber from the 1930's. Christian Bale is Melvin Purvis, the FBI's star agent who always gets his man. For all the star power AND a naturally compelling and exciting crime story, this movie is a bit boring actually. Depp doesn't really do much with the character and Bale follows suit. Michael Mann (Miami Vice tv show) wrote, produced and directed "Public Enemies" and took some historical license that certainly didn't improve the story. I remembered Dillinger being much more interesting, so after viewing this film, I went online and watched a 3 part documentary about the real criminal. Infinitely more engrossing and factually, much more daring exploits were carried out by the authentic Dillinger than by Depp's character. I couldn't help but think back to the 1979 film "The Lady in Red" starring Pamela Sue Martin (who played Nancy Drew on the Hardy Boys mysteries) and think, "huh, even that was a better movie." Not only isn't it in the same ballpark as a "Bonnie and Clyde" for example, its not in the adjacent parking to the ballpark. Watch the documentary and skip the lackluster Hollywood version.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (D-)

I wish I could say that there was more here than meets the eye. I thoroughly enjoyed the first film so much, I've seen it a dozen times since it came out. I doubt I will ever view this sequel again. Director Michael Bay just flat out lost his mind. How do you screw up such a likeable franchise?? The first film was about a young man trying to fit in and figure out who he was in this world and his attempts at getting the girl of his dreams. Befriended by his 1st car, who turns out to be a robot alien was the fun hook but fundamentally, it was a story about people. This one is all robots...now that we have the guaranteed box office of a successful sequel, lets make 100 new transformers that are both completely ridiculous and forgettable. LaBeouf and Fox return but they just run through the film as stuff turns into other stuff around them and explosions. Lots and lots of explosions. Megan Fox is completely pimped out in this film, like - don't give her any lines just keep the camera on her ass. As entertaining as that sounds, it's really obvious and creepy. It reminded me of Coco in the movie "Fame." This movie is just empty, loud, LONG and a waste of time but is doubly aggravating because of its potential based on the first one.

THE HURT LOCKER (A)

I have been waiting for a very long time and to date, THIS is the best picture about the current Iraq war. It deals with a bomb disposal unit who day in and day out go out side the protection of the green zone to dismantle insurgent explosives meant to kill American soldiers. Crazy? Brave? both? Guys doing their job, and dealing with the enormous pressures of facing death on a daily basis. No Hollywood heroes or over dramatic acting here, and although most of the actors are recognizable, you quickly forget they are anyone but who they are portraying. The viewer rapidly begins to feel the palpable terror these soldiers must suppress as they stay calm, with a steady hand and clear mind and defuse these unpredictable road side ordinances that at any second could result in their certain death. Very well done.

Year One (C-)

Another extremely disappointing film. This one is loaded with comic geniuses and yet, they come up way short. This movie is about two outcast pals who get sent into the wilderness and discover a whole new world of experiences. I have no problem with them hopscotching across time from caveman to early biblical times to the roman empire, that was fine and contextually, fairly seamless. The problem was just in the humor itself ...or lack there of. Jack Black (Nacho Libre), Michael Cera (Superbad), Oliver Platt (The Three Musketeers), David Cross (Run Ronnie Run), Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Role Models), Hank Azaria (Run Fat Boy Run), written and directed by Harold Ramis (Ghostbusters). And a handful of laughs from THAT cast? This movie really illustrated just how brilliant Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life" or "Life of Bryan" are. This one is more like Mel Brook's "The History of the World: Part I" except not even as funny as that! We can only hope that the bespectacled Harry Potter can salvage this summer's movie fare.

The Taking of PELHAM 123 (C)

Yet another in a seemingly endless line of remakes..."Pelham 123" redoes the 1974 film starring Walter Matthau. Some film trivia about the original - the idea of Mr. Green, Mr. Brown, Mr. Blue that Tarantino made famous in "Reservoir Dogs" was lifted from the first "Pelham" movie. This time John Travolta is the bad guy hijacking the subway and it falls on Denzel Washington to foil the plot. Washington is the subway controller in charge of operations who's unfortunate enough to be on duty when a crowded NY subway gets shanghaied by Travolta and his crew. They want a 10 million dollar ransom to be paid by the Mayor (James Gandolfini -Tony Soprano) or they'll start offing passengers. Like this would ever happen... they make Denzel come all the way down from central operations to deliver the money and drive the train. There's also a ridiculous subplot about the tatted up, ex-con Travolta being a high powered Wall St. stockbroker and another about a possible criminal indictment for Washington stemming from a bribery case but it all comes down to two big stars soaking up 98% of the screen time and not much else. The studios know if they put Denzel and Travolta on the poster - the movie will make $X.X million dollars off of them being in it alone. The original wasn't THAT great a movie and this one's worse. The once talented director Tony Scott ("True Romance, Top Gun, Days of Thunder, Enemy of the State") is rehashing another 70's NYC film classic next in his version of "The Warriors." Only time will tell if they are ready to 'come out and plaaaayeeeaaaa!' If this film is any indication, they aren't.

The Proposal (B)

High powered executive, Sandra Bullock (45) forces her personal assistant, Ryan Reynolds (33) to marry her so she won't be deported back to Canada and lose her lucrative job as a NY Book publisher. In order to save his career and future, he relents and agrees to go along with her scheme although she's a mean and brutal taskmaster in the office. Immigration is on to them pretty quick and in order to maintain the charade, the newlywed couple heads off to Reynolds' hometown of Sitka, Alaska to break the good news to his family. Big city woman falls in love when she gets in the country, I've worked next to you for 3 years and never realized I really loved you this whole time, my old girlfriend see's how emotional I am and tells me to go after you before you get away and the ever popular, I just missed you at the airport but follow you back to NY to propose for real this time. Roll credits. The story is super dooper cliché' like a Mad Libs of Harlequin romance novels and bad romantic comedies. On the other hand, Bullock and Reynolds, albeit with marginal, generationally challenged chemistry, still are entertaining to watch and this movie doesn't suck anywhere near as bad as it should for the story they had the balls to film. I guess this is one of those movies that proves that most guys will watch anything if there's explosions and tits and most girls will, if there's a wedding and some kissing. Hey, at least she stop making "Miss Congeniality" movies, so that's good.

LAND of the LOST (C-)

Will Ferrell stars in this send up of the bizarre and quirky Saturday morning kid's show from the 70's made by the geniuses of Sid & Marty Kroft who would bring to life other amazing shows like: H.R. Puffnstuff, the Bugaloos and to a much lesser extent, the Donnie and Marie show. Ferrell is unfortunately backsliding into what other successful SNL alumni have fallen prey to, namely finding a handful of bits that become signature pieces and just wearing them out in everything they do (you look mahvelous). Ferrell manages to work back in his Broadway show tune schtick from "The Producers" and "Elf" and a series of the once funny, off the wall exclamations ala "Great Oden's Ghost~!" I was surprised by film's end to not see him running around in his underwear screaming "I'm on fire!" or making some reference to baby Jesus. He better come up with some new stuff quick. The girl in the pic is utterly forgettable. See, I forgot her already. The ONLY thing worth watching in this lame-ish comedy is the fresh, brilliant, comedy stylings of the one and only, Mr. Danny McBride ("Footfist Way," "Eastbound and Down"). Unfortunately, they try to pigeon hole him in the same white trash, dumbass role he's played before. You can readily see the lines from the script vs. the zingers he ad libs as you watch the movie. The rest of the film is just poorly patched together set pieces to give Ferrell a backdrop for his tired stuff to lean up against. Oh and it's also definitely NOT a kid's movie. Unfortunately, it's not really an adult's movie either. I don't even think dinosaurs would like it.

The Hangover (A+)

Fucking Awesome!!! A bunch of guys go to Vegas for a bachelor party...how many times has this movie been made? It's beyond cliche' and although there are some decent films in this genre, most suck bad. "The Hangover" by contrast is hysterical, original, gut busting funny and with one foot in some kind of Kafkaesque reality, you buy every crazy, whacked out thing that happens, no questions asked. The cast is superb and Zach Galifianakis is destine to become a household word if you can believe that. Wow! How often these days does the trailer for the film not show you even a fraction of all the movie's good parts? If you don't think this movie is funny, you seriously need some quiet alone time, out on a mountain top somewhere, peering deep into your own soul to try to figure out what kind of vacuous, barren wasteland of humanity you've become? Even in the company of classic films like "Bachelor Party," "Swingers" and "Very Bad Things" this movie might just be the new Best Vegas film of all time. Even the poster is funny! You gotta see this movie.

UP (B-)

"UP" is Pixar's latest animated feature about a very old man who is about to have his home taken from him and be placed in an old age home. He's alone, having lost his one true love - his wife some years before. He made her a deathbed promise to go and live on a remote cliffside overlooking an amazing waterfall in the jungle. It was their childhood dream to follow their favorite adventurer to this remote location and live there forever. The old man spent his rather uneventful life as a balloon salesmen for small children. So he devises a way to keep his promise by attaching a million balloons to his house and just floating away to his waterfall utopia. A pesky boyscout (wilderness explorer) with some weight issues hitches a ride unbeknownst to the old man. This whole part of the story was just excellent. Once they get to the jungle however, it's like it morphs into a whole different and rather stupid movie. The old man actually meets his and his wife's childhood hero adventurer who turns out to be an evil murderer, who has devised a way to allow his minion's of angry dogs that do his bidding to be able to talk. It just seemed really jammed in, like "we need more talking dogs!" than anything integral to the story. It really ruined what could have been a very touching and heartwarming film about people. They had it and then blew it by trying to follow some ridiculous formula for what kid's will like. It was like painting a frito bandito moustache on the mona lisa. The good parts are still worth seeing.

TERMINATOR SALVATION (C)

Music Video Director McG tries to revive the well worn Terminator franchise with this leap into the future, which if you follow the series is actually predating the original film but not in real time just in the context of the storyline because John Conner from the future sends back his own father to save his mothers life thereby insuring he'll be born to send his father back to save his mother's life to ....You see where I'm going here? It's so complex and twisty at this point that it makes "The Matrix" look like remedial reading. It's at least 45 min. too long, all the explosive action is exactly the same thru the whole movie with no crescendo, just blam, blam, blam, from start to finish. Which I'm sure will appeal to the hyper-desensitized target demo of 11-15 yr. old boys but will give everyone else a splitting headache. Bale carries his gravelly voiced persona over from THE Batman and was more entertaining to listen yell at the DP during his infamous dust up. The best part of the movie and why it didn't get a lower rating was about 10 min. from the end, there's an amazing cameo of sorts from Schwarzenegger. It was cool but also shined a light on the fact that (and I'm speaking of the original not the cartoony sequels here) he WAS, IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE the Terminator ...and what made this movie franchise watchable.

Night At the Museum: 2 (D)

Rough week for sequels. Although considered a kid's movie, I absolutely loved the first NATM movie. It was smart, imaginative, fun and well written. "Night at the Museum:2" has none of that going for it. Larry Daley returns but he's given up his night guard job and become a shamwow type business mogul who upon returning to the museum, finds all his nocturnal buddies are being sent to the Smithsonian for deep storage. Once he arrives there, he encounters a whole new cavalcade of historic figures that come to life. There were rules to the first one, that only apply here and there for this one. Abe Lincoln from the memorial comes to life in this one. Is he in the museum? no. Is he part of the collective effected by the Egyptian tablet? no. So why the hell does he get up and start walking around and talking? They bring in the talented and likeable Amy Adams ("Enchanted") to play Amelia Earhart, as some hokie love interest for Stiller. Doesn't work. It's like they never saw the first one. This dead horse has officially been beaten more than Rhiana at a Brown family picnic.

Angels and Demons (C)

Tom Hanks reprises his role of Professor Robert Langdon from the super popular novel turned movie, "The Da Vinci Code." This time, Langdon's symbologist talents are required by the Vatican as the Pope has just died and a secret society known as the Illuminati have taken 4 cardinals hostage and plan on blowing up all of Vatican city. Only the wily Langdon can unravel the mysteries hidden in the landmarks strewn about Rome. This movie is NOT better than its predecessor and not a very good film in general. Instead of the viewer going along for the ride, deciphering the clues as they naturally unfold thru the story, this time Langdon just blurts stuff out like he's reading to you from the novel and everyone just starts running in whatever direction he points. There is a ridiculous subplot about particle acceleration and anti-mater that seems completely out of place and an asinine twist, where Ewan McGregor's character who plays the young priest in charge after the Pope's untimely death, just happens to be a chopper pilot (yeah, that happens) and takes the anti-mater bomb way up into the clouds to explode saving everyone. How convenient. If you're going to write in absurd character elements, why not just make him a bomb expert or a particle physicist ...who just happens to be a priest? I didn't really give anything away there, you'll see. Anyway, it supports what I thought all along, that the book's author, Dan Brown was clever enough to twist up the engaging story already written in the best selling book "Holy Blood, Holy Grail," and rip it off in "The Da Vinci Code" but when left to his own devices, came up short. I thoroughly enjoyed the first film, and was completely aggravated by this one.

STAR TREK (A)

J.J. Abrams ("Lost, Alias, Cloverfield, MI III) does it again! He is a consummate story teller in the early Spielberg sense of the word. I was a bit concerned viewing trailers for this film as they seemed uncharacteristically special effects heavy. Not to worry, Abrams knocks it out of the park on this one. This is easily the best Trek film since "Wrath of Khan" and even compares to the original television show of the 60's. Tackling such an institution with a prequel *which I normally despise, is a huge challenge for anyone.

Every character is so well known, any attempt to redo can easily fall victim to parody, or falling short by direct comparison or simply just missing the mark completely. The casting for the new "Star Trek" is brilliant, unequalled, and amazingly has taken the roster of the U.S.S. Enterprise and dare I say, improved it! With one glaring exception. What would seem like the most difficult characters to fill are done in spades from Spock to Uhura, Abrams nails every role. The only one that doesn't really do justice to the progenitor is James Tiberius Kirk!!

Chris Pine ("Smoking Aces") stars as the young Captain Kirk. His acting is adequate although not quite as braggadocio as the original. I hate to say it but he just doesn't cut it in the looks department. We all forget today looking upon the bloated, comic, senior citizen that is William Shatner but in 1966, he was a stud. Pine by contrast has this odd visage that resembles someone in a G force machine or a burn victim after facial reconstruction. He is the one character that doesn't hit the mark and as the lead, this may be a problem in the long run. The original Spock gets a solid cameo but conflicts over money kept Shatner completely out of the film. He has to be kicking himself hard now in retrospect.

I can't say enough about the rest of the cast as they are amazing! I might even say perfect. From Zachary Quinto ("Heroes") as the quintessential Spock, right down to the unlikely Simon Pegg ("Hot Fuzz") as Scotty. You sit thru the whole movie as they get introduced masterfully thru the story going "yes~! awesome!!" Characters aside, Abrams weaves a very good story and doesn't forget that telling a tale is the true essence of film making, even in the sci-fi genre. This franchise has certainly been revived and I personally can't wait for the next half dozen films in the new series. I hope they don't let that hack of a director, Bret Ratner anywhere near the next installment, as he is gifted at screwing up bulletproof sequels. Live Long and Prosper new Star Trek! Highly recommended.

GHOSTS of GIRLFRIENDS PAST (D+)

The ever smarmy Matthew McConaughey and former female action star Jennifer Garner/Affleck star in this send up of the classic, "A Christmas Carol" where mean ol' Scrooge is visited by ghosts of Christmas past, present and future. In this case, McConaughey's character, Conner Mead is a fashion photographer playboy whose legendary prowess in the bedroom is only exceeded by his disdain for love and relationships. Ghosts visit him on the eve of his little brother's wedding and walk him thru all his old girlfriends or should I say conquests, as most lasted hours not months or weeks. He reunites with Garner's character, his first true love who sees thru all his bullshit for the lonely, yearning soul he truly is. The only surprise here is that McConaughey actually kept his shirt on for most of the movie, even though that would seem reasonable it being a winter pic but you never can tell about a guy who gets high and plays the bongos in the nude. Yes, this movie is crap. The acting is weak, the story ridiculous and lessons learned are vacuous and cheesy as would be expected by the writers who brought you "Four Christmases." I wonder if they write lame summer themed films too?

State of Play (B+)

Russell Crowe and Ben Affleck star as college roommates all grown up. Crowe must have flunked a few grades as in real life he's 8 years Affleck's senior but reality aside, Crowe winds up a D.C. journalist and Affleck a Kennedyesque Congressman. Affleck's character is heading up and investigative committee looking into the potential war crimes committed by a BlackWater type corporation. When his assistant/lover turns up dead, there might be a connection. It's a very good movie about 87.5% way thru and Crowe can really carry a film, especially as the hard nosed, grizzled, old time newspaper reporter who will uncover the truth wherever it takes him. Unfortunately, they toss in an entirely unnecessary twist right at the end that is way obvious and serves no purpose other than an attempt to be tricky. The story (most of it) is good, the acting watchable and the topic ripped from the headlines. Too bad they added one too many ingredients.

17 Again (C)

There are what? about a dozen of these midlife crisis adults turned into a high school kid by magic movies. This is just one more and falls somewhere in the middle of the pack. Just about as entertaining as the 1988 "Vice Versa" starring Judge Reinhold and Fred Savage of the Wonder Years but it's certainly no "Big" starring Tom Hanks. Teen girls will ooh and ahh over Zac Efron as they have been Pavlovianly conditioned to do by the evil geniuses at Disney corp. Poor unemployed Mathew Perry ("Friends") plays the transformed adult version. This style of film has become so common place that the director doesn't even attempt to explain the magic part, its handled by a mysterious school janitor...ohhhkay. These stories work only because it is part of the human condition to wonder "what if I could do it all over again?" and to the film makers credit, they don't screw with that convention. On the other hand, how many of us had a high school experience similar to Zac Efron's??? Notice how they hardly ever transform into to the nerdy kid from the A/V club with bad skin and no car.

Crank (High Voltage) (D)

Big fan of Jason Statham ("The Transporter") and the lovely Amy Smart ("Varsity Blues") but I hated the first of this series...just "Crank," in which surprisingly enough, Statham's character Chev Chelios ends the film by going splat on the pavement after falling off a skyscraper. At least they didn't make it a freakin pre-quel, I hate those. But they do bring him back to life in the worst sort of daytime soap kind of way. Amy has even a smaller part in this one and just gets trotted out for a quick sex scene...so not a total waste of her time or talents. The rest of the movie is Grand Theft Auto crap come to life. I hope they're making huge money on this franchise because they are so much better actors than this material. Rent one of Statham's Guy Ritchie films and skip this garbage (Snatch, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels).

Crossing Over (C)

No this isn't the story of some guy from New York who can help you talk to your dead relatives. A fairly heavyweight cast including Harrison Ford, Ray Liotta and Ashley Judd star in this movie about illegal immigration in America. Instead of black folks, you insert Mexicans, Iranians and Koreans and use the same script from "Crash." It's one of those trendy ensemble pieces where all these different story lines run off in separate directions but converge at the end into one neat little fabric of life tapestry. It didn't work in "Babel" and it doesn't work here either. The acting is passable but it's so one sided and preachy and as a personal commentary WRONG in its politics as to be annoying. Poor, poor illegals...they are just the salt of the earth and put upon buy the evil and uncaring U.S. Government. Alice Eve makes her stunning film debut and should certainly gain some notoriety from her role as a struggling actress from Australia but everyone else is just doing their Hollywood political soap box thing thinly veiled as a movie. Ok, here's the movie's official tagline, you decide: "Every day thousands of people illegally cross our borders... only one thing stands in their way. America."

FANBOYS (C-)

Fanboys is a story about a group of high school friends who are now adult-(ish) and struggling to cope with the required level of maturity to function in a grownup world. Because one of them is dying of cancer, they opt for one last road trip to steal an advanced copy of "The Phantom Menace" from Skywalker ranch because their croaking friend won't live long enough to see the premiere. The Star Wars prequel (see above) came out in 1999. How the hell can you have a period piece from just 10 years ago?? They make it seem like 1979. Ok so they're all Star Wars nerds and this is their Holy quest, driving cross county - comedy ensues, including hilarious (sarcasm) cameos by: William Shatner, Seth Rogen, Seth Rogen (not a typo), Carrie Fisher, Billy Dee Williams and Kevin Smith. It just wasn't that funny and the premise was week to start with and never really got any better.

Fighting (D)

Did you see Jean Claude Van Damme's "Lion Heart" (1990)?? Well, apparently these guys did too. With the exception of him not having a French accent, or being a real fighter...or actor for that matter, it's the exact same, albeit shittier movie. I would have rather seen JCVD in it again. With the exception of Terrence Howard, who picked up this stinker after he got kicked off the "Iron Man II" sequel for wanting more money, you've never heard or seen any of these people before and I suspect you never will again. The first rule of fight club...oh wait, that's from a GOOD movie.

Obsessed (D)

"Obsessed" is in the same vein as "Disclosure" and "Fatal Attraction" but unfortunately a less interesting, poorly acted, BET version. Starring Idris Elba ?? exactly, Beyonce Knowles (not singing) and Ali Larter ("Heroes") as the crazy white girl trying to steal Beyonce's man. Just really amateurish and stilted acting, wholly unbelievable and not sexy at all. Beyonce was also executive producer which means she paid for this out of her singing money, which is a shame because given the right material, she is a decent actress (see: "Cadillac Records"). In this film, she's got such memorable lines as: "I'm-a wipe the floor wit yo skinny ass." All I can say is Snap girlfriend, talk to the hand or Oh no you did-en't Beyonce...or whatever, I don't know.

Phantom Punch (C)

You most likely won't catch this one in theaters but you might see it on the shelf when it gets to DVD. It's a quasi bio pic about Sonny Liston, who was one of the greatest heavyweight boxing champs you've probably never heard of. He took the title from Floyd Patterson in a 1st round knock out in 1962 only to give it up to a brash, up and coming fighter named Cassius Clay (Muhammad Ali) in 1964. Liston was the Mike Tyson of his era, in and out of trouble with the law and with supposed ties to organized crime. This film is about the Ali rematch in which Liston went down for the count about 2 min. into the fight from a punch that never seemed to connect from Ali. In 1971 after never regaining any boxing notoriety, Liston was found dead in his Las Vegas home from an apparent heroin overdose. The mystery revolves around the fact that Liston was famous for his fear of needles and even refused a lucrative bout in England because it required him to get inoculated for the trip. Robert Townsend ("The Five Heartbeats") directs Ving Rhames ("Con Air") as Liston. I like Ving but this film shows why he's a much better supporting cast than principal in a film. He just didn't have the acting chops to carry a movie by himself and really illustrated how remarkable a piece of work Will Smith's "Ali" was. In this case, the actual history is more interesting than the movie about it.

FAST and FURIOUS (C)

Not to be confused with THE Fast and THE Furious of 2001. Returning from the first movie are Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jordana Brewster and for a second...Michelle Rodriguez. There's a lame cameo of Sung Kang (Tokyo Drift) as well. So while the first and third celebrated cars and racing, this one is about pay back and drug running. There are cars, don't get me wrong but they've (excuse the pun ahead of time) taken a backseat to the characters. Paul Walker, Vin Diesel in a character based film? Uh oh. Yeah, its not very good and much like the 2nd Too Fast, seems much more like an MTV music video than a feature film. Vin was too high and mighty for a while to even contemplate a return to his Dominic Torretto role, but after his rip roarin success in Babylon A.D. and The Pacifier, I guess he reconsidered. May I suggest you, the viewer reconsider watching this film until it hits DVD.

OBSERVE AND REPORT (F)

Seth Rogen (Zack and Miri) stars as a mall cop...what a wholly fresh and unique concept. I really wish they'd make more mall cop movies. I was just remarking the other day...you know what is a completely unexplored genre? mall cop films. Well, this one certain gives Paul Blart a run for his money, as it sucks equally as bad. Rogen has been less and less funny exponentially since "Knocked Up" which at this point puts him well into the negative numbers. He plays this one totally straight and as such is annoying and weird but not funny. Basically this is the story of what would have happened if one of the disturbed kids from Columbine High School grew up and got a wannabe job as a mall security guard. They were shooting for dark comedy but it doesn't work because that requires subtly and acting skill which are both talents that elude Rogen and his mongoloid brand of yuk yuk humor from jr. high. The very funny and talented Anna Faris ("House Bunny") is also in it but even she can't save this piece of shit. If you think I'm being overly rough, let me just say I would rather watch one of the Deuce Bigelow sequels than sit thru this turd again.

I Love You Man (B-)

Paul Rudd ("Role Models") and Jason Segal ("Forgetting Sarah Marshall") star as new friends involved in a bro-mance of sorts. Rudd's character gets engaged and discovers he doesn't have any really good male friends. So as to not have a lop sided wedding party, he embarks on a mission to man up as it were. He meets the wild and crazy Segal and becomes fast friends with his new BFF. Not everyone is as happy about his new buddy and conflicts ensue. It's pretty funny in spots and the two stars are very talented comedicly but some of the gags go a bit too far and even though it wasn't, it has moments when it feels like a chick wrote their interpretation of what they think guys are really like. With 2 other stars it could have been dreadful, as is, it's passably entertaining.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (B-)

I am a declining fan of the X-Men series as I seem to like them less and less as they go along. I really liked the first one so much and as would be expected, Wolverine was by far the most likeable character. So I was hopeful for a new installment chronicling how he got to be the steel clawed, smart ass superhero we all love. There were glimpses throughout the other films eluding to his 'origins' but not enough to really piece together. Surprisingly enough, those questions about Wolverine's beginnings should have stayed a mystery. The story of what actually happened to him was rather bland and disappointing. It begins like "Highlander" where Wolverine and his brother (Liev Schreiber) go thru history showing the lapse of time through a montage of them fighting in wars throughout the centuries. They never quite explain why they run away from home as children, continue to mature as normal adolescents, reach manhood and then cease to age?? Then at the end there is some ridiculous amnesia twist to make the last 97 min. non existent, which in the big picture, may be for the best after all. This could have been so much better.

Monsters and Aliens (C-)

Here's a really new concept. Take the unused footage from two separate movies, hang it on a convoluted storyline to make it somewhat fit and get to recycle all the crap footage you couldn't use from the first 2 movies that this one is based on. Seth Rogan ("Knocked Up") even finds a way to be annoying when you just hear his voice and don't see his fat, doofy ass. This movie wasn't even cute...for kids.

12 Rounds (C)

This film stars pro wrestler, John Cena. When I first heard about this film I was a little confused. Cena has made two films to date. Here are the actual plot descriptions for each. You'll see why I was a bit perplexed.

12 Rounds: Detective Danny Fisher discovers his girlfriend has been kidnapped by an ex-con tied to Fisher's past, and he'll have to successfully complete 12 challenges in order to secure her safe release.

The Marine: A group of diamond thieves on the run kidnap the wife of a recently discharged marine who goes on a chase through the South Carolinian wilderness to retrieve her.

Holy typecasting Batman! He's not only playing the same kinds of roles, he's making the same movie over and over again!!

Knowing (D)

MORMON ALERT!! Wow, I went along for the ride on this one and figured with it staring Nick Cage, it would be a bit quirky but had no idea where we were off to. The first part is very M. Night Shyamalan-esque where a professor's child brings home some strange document retrieved from a time capsule buried at the grade school back in the 50's. As he investigates the writings further, he discovers it's a blueprint for every major disaster through history and into the not too distant future. Unfortunately, where we wind up is telling some not to subtle version of the LDS celestial kingdom prophecy along with the big white tree of life and wispy angel like aliens and and and...it's all right off the temple murals. This movie is to Mormonism what "Battlefield Earth" was to the Scientologists. I hate when they do that!

Killshot (D)

You can read below how very impressed I was with Mickey Rourke's performance in "The Wrestler." Based on this film, I'm glad that he didn't win an Oscar. In Killshot, Rourke plays a native american hit man with pony tail and fluxuating accent that flips back and forth between Jersey and something from F-troop. It goes a bit like this - Hey yo, use guys over dehr... uh, me black eagle, me come from many moons away. It's just horrible. Diane Lane plays the scared wife and spends most of the film in wide eyed fear as the script unfolds around her. It's just really, really bad on so many levels. Skip it for sure.

Race to Witch Mountain (C-)

Another wrestler turned actor, Dwyane "The Rock" Johnson remake..er, re-imagines the 1975 Disney classic, Escape to Witch Mountain. Johnson plays a vegas cabbie who picks up two kids during a UFO convention and heads for the hills. The generic black SUV's are chasing them and some Close Encounter special effects are obviously in their future. Johnson just walks thru this one like all his kid friendly roles. No one else really makes an impression either. Bottom line, as with most of these retreads, go rent the original again if you want to see a good movie. Let me tell you whose in that one: Eddie Albert, Ray Milland, Donald Pleasence and Denver Pyle. All legendary actors.

Watchmen (A)

The Watchmen is a film based on a graphic novel about a group of masked crime fighters (not super heroes) who exist in a parallel version of America where Nixon is still President and a pending full scale nuclear war with Russia is eminent. There are a lot of characters in this film and I was concerned that without sufficient development, they would fall prey to the same glossing over that ruined the 3rd X-men movie. If you try to jam too many characters in, especially from a novel, you run the risk of just naming them off and not allowing the audience to know who they are and what their individual motivations might be. "Watchmen" did a very good job of identifying and fleshing out the plethora of masked heroes. The movie is probably a good 25 min. too long in the middle which I assume was required to keep faithful to the book. The 3rd reel however picks up speed and the action is really good. Directed by the same guy who brought you the superb "300," this film doesn't drown you in green screen effects with the possible exception of the 'Dr. Manhattan' character. The real saving grace for me was 'Rorschach' whose masked face morphs from one psychologically determining ink blot to another. As I said, these are not super heroes...basically just a bunch of people who took it upon themselves to be masked crime fighters for a myriad of personal reasons. As such, they are not the squeaky clean, above reproach lot you usually find donning capes. They are humans and as such, come with a whole bag of insecurities, vices, shortcomings and even some insanity. It's fairly brutal, graphic and bloody but it doesn't seem gratuitous. It also stars two of the hottest women working in film - Carla Gugino ("Sin City") and Malin Akerman ("The Heartbreak Kid") who takes some getting used to as a brunette. Hands down though, the best thing about "Watchmen" is 'Rorschach' who is brilliantly played by recognizable child actor grown up, Jackie Earle Haley who you may recall from such 70's classics as "The Bad News Bears" and "Breaking Away." Talk about a come back! It's a really good movie though and will definitely appeal to the people who like graphic novels, comic books and these kinds of movies.

Green Street Hooligans 2 (F)

The original "Green Street" was such a brilliant film that I always recommend it to friends and readers, I was understandably hesitant when I heard about a sequel that retained only one subordinate member of the original cast. Where the first film was about an American college kid getting wrapped up in British soccer hooliganism, this second incarnation takes place entirely in the UK prison system. The story is pathetic, like someone who went on a drunken binge to Blockbuster and just grabbed two random old movies off the shelf, watched them and then combined them into a sequel screenplay having almost nothing to do with the original film. For those of you who know your movies, the 2 off the shelf would have been "Victory" starring Sly Stallone and any one of the "Penitentiary" movies starring Leon Issac Kennedy, (the only actor I can recall who took his super model wife's name when they got married and added it to his own. I guess he assumed he was entitled to joint custody of her talent and good looks.) Anyway avoid this mess of a movie as you would a real gang of teeth kickers coming from the pub.

The International (C)

I really like Clive Owen ("Children of Men") but he's kinda in a rut when it comes to parts. He's really played this same type of character in like the last half dozen films he's been in to one degree or another. The film tries to make international banking as exciting as espionage but it is rather dull like if you took accountants and deputized them all as secret agents. I thought it was plodding, predictable and a bit tired. It even seemed like Owen got rather bored about half way thru as well. Who can blame him?

What Doesn't Kill You (B)

Ethan Hawke ("Training Day") and Mark Ruffalo ("In the Cut") star as childhood friends growing up in the hard part of Southie Boston and rising up through the ranks of the local criminals. Although based on a true story and co-written by Boston native and actor Donnie Walhberg, it seems from the get go to be a formula picture. Starts out JUST like "Goodfellas" and then rips off a dozen or so mob and crime films along the way. Hawke turns in a respectable performance as the mouthy, quick tempered criminal type and Ruffalo dances with the crack addict role mostly to show off his dramatic chops but it just never gets any traction as a film and even with a flash back/forward plot device, you know where this is headed about 2 min. in. "The Departed" and "Gone Baby Gone" are far superior films in the same genre.

NEW IN TOWN (C-)

Renee Zellweger plays the hard driven, career woman in search of boardroom success who stumbles upon romance in the most unlikely place, the frozen tundra of Minnesota. Harry Connick Jr. is the labor leader of the factory Zellweger is sent to downsize and she falls hook, line and sinker for his flannel shirt charms. She plays the same role you've seen her in twenty times, as does Connick. So what makes this film unique? Absolutely nothing.

STILL WAITING (F)

As a sequel to "Waiting," which explored the hijinx of what really goes on in the back of a typical franchise restaurant, this subsequent film is just trying to exploit the modicum of success achieved by the first one. A T&A comedy, with out hardly any T or A? An R rated film that says "fudge" and "poop" instead of the more commonly used adult vernacular. This is probably considered porn...in Salt Lake City!!

PUSH (D)

Dakota Fanning, coming off her controversial roll in "Hounddog," stars as one of a group of young people with special powers being chased by a another group who wishes to control them. "Heroes" meets "Jumper"...nuf said, except it's not as good as either one.

TAKEN (A-)

Liam Neeson is a retired operative who while off being a super spy, missed his daughter's childhood. Now, he's moved back to be close to her and his estranged wife to try to make up for lost time. When his daughter goes on a trip to Paris and subsequently gets kidnapped by eastern block slave traders, Neeson's character puts his former resume' to good use in tracking her down. Neeson is very good and believable when his passion for retrieving his daughter and his highly developed skill set as an agent provocateur come together. It is NOT as good as the Bourne films, but in the neighborhood.

FROST/NIXON (B)

Frank Langella reprises his role from the Broadway play and brings 'tricky dick' to a whole new generation. Michael Sheen ("Blood Diamond") does a better than adequate job of portraying British talk show host, David Frost. This Ron Howard film basically puts flesh and bone to a well documented, historical meeting between the two, where the former President admitted his wrong doing and complicity in the Watergate scandal during an interview. It was interesting to see beyond the transcript, the personalities of these two dynamic characters.

MILK (B)

Sean Penn stars as Harvey Milk, one of the first openly gay elected officials who was gun down by a fellow San Francisco supervisor, played brilliantly by Josh Brolin ("No Country for Old Men.") who I believe is one of the most underrated actors working today. The cast is adequate, the story ...well, I presume historically accurate, but the performances weren't as notable as reported. Oscar does love a gay martyr!

PAUL BLART: MALL COP (F)

Box office be damned, this was retarded crap. I really enjoy Kevin James as the King of Queens or the dofus in "Hitch" with Will Smith, but this...this was just dumb. Skateboarding robbers take over a shopping mall and Blart must foil their plans. A fat guy on a segway scooter, the hilarity practically writes itself. This movie seemed like it was written for Jerry Lewis back when he first started being not funny.

NOTORIOUS (D)

A quasi bio pic about the Notorious B-I-G, it walks you thru the 'how they all got there' stories of today's most popular hip hop 'artists'. Biggie was subsequently gunned down in Vegas after an awards show. Reports at the time, and this film seem to point to the ongoing east coast/ west coast rapper feud. I'm sorry but I'm pretty sure MTV has already taken the glorification of crack dealing, woman beating, no talent, criminal thugs about as far as you can take it. Movies like this should be an inspiration however to suburban white kids everywhere to lay down some mad rhymes and show even more of their underpants, while loitering at the mall with their flat brimmed baseball caps turned askew. Word up.

NIGHT TRAIN (C)

LeeLee Sobieski, Steve Zahn and Danny Glover combine for the oddest cast in recent memory. All aboard a train where a mysterious stranger passes away leaving behind a treasure. How the three will divide it and get away with the goods is where this train is headed. It starts out very good, like a modern Agatha Christie but goes off the rails toward the end with a super natural twist that was completely unnecessary. Zahn is quirky, Glover chews scenery and Sobieski oozes Lolita-like sex appeal that makes you forgive her marginal acting. "C" - for could have been good.

BRIDE WARS (C-)

Through one whacky mix up after another, BFF's Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson find themselves both getting married on the same day. There can be only one! Let the games begin. As they spend an hour trying to sabotage each other's plans, you are forced to sit there and wait for them to make up and hug and cry so everyone can go home finally. This movie is about as much fun as doing the bunny hop at a real wedding.

BEDTIME STORIES (C)

Adam Sandler is all over the place these days, trying to keep one foot in the comedy while self promoting himself as a leading man and then back again to the just for kids films. This is the later. A silly Jumangi rip off where his sister's kids make up their own endings to bedtime stories that miraculously come true the next day. As he attempts to manipulate their imagination to his own benefit, (which of course backfires but not to worry), important life lessons will be learned. Doesn't that sound hilarious?!

Valkyrie (C)

Tom Cruise plays a German lieutenant who along with a cadre of other high ranking generals and politicians, plans to assassinate Hitler and take over Germany in the midst of WWII. Although based on true events, "Operation Valkyrie" directed by Bryan Singer ("X Men") is like the Teutonic version of the TV show the West Wing. If you take out all the fast walking up and down hallways...this movie is about 8 min. long. Even though it was chocked full of talented dramatic and classically trained Shakespearian actors like: Kenneth Branagh, Bill Nighy, Terrance Stamp and Tom Wilkenson, it's not very dramatic or even suspenseful. Cruise's performance is flat and he seems more into the uniform than the role. Singer has a penchant for Nazi themes, having included them in "Apt Pupil" "X Men" etcetera. He may however been trapped between the movie he wanted to make and being loosely faithful to history. Either way, it just doesn't ever really work.

The Wrestler (A+)

There are certain movies that are so real, so brutally gritty, so authentic as to be simultaneously engrossing and disturbing. "The Wrestler" is all that and more. Mickey Rourke stars as Randy the Ram, a washed up, over the hill, professional wrestler. In his heyday he filled stadiums and had his own action figure. Now he lives in trailer, wrestles in church auditoriums for a pittance and only exists to offer up his pound of flesh to the fans and for the respect of his fellow wrestlers. Rourke is consummate, touching and sad as the fading star living with one foot in his glory days and the other in the brutal reality of his present life. Marisa Tomei co-stars as an aging stripper also dealing with a lifestyle that maybe worked for her in her 20's that seems surreal and absurd now. They struggle each in their own way but develop an obvious connection. Randy the Ram is only alive in the ring, his heart and soul is provided to him thru the roar of his fans and he is complete only when the ref counts out 1, 2, 3~! This is the best film of the year and each of the stars should be nominated AND win. For those in the film industry who thought that Rourke's better days were behind him just like his character, he just hit you from behind with a folding chair !!

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (C-)

This is the story of a guy who is born an old baby and grows younger and younger over his life, in reverse. Staring Brad Pitt as Benjamin Button the octogenarian infant. The story is loooooooong and you can feel yourself getting older and older as you watch it. The reverse makeup is interesting for about a minute but seems rather gimmicky in spots like that's all there is sometimes. It was no surprise that the screenplay was written by the same guy who wrote "Forest Gump" as in many ways, its the same or lesser movie. Instead of "life is like a box of chocolates" we have devolved to "ya never know what's coming." Then they rip off "Titanic" telling the story thru flashbacks of an old lady on her death bed. From the jump, it just seemed like a 'lets write a movie to win an Oscar' movie, than a good film. The whole time I watched it, which is a long time (159 min.), I just kept hearing "Submitted for your Consideration" in the back of my head. I hate being manipulated like that, but I'm guessing the academy will still fall prey to this plot.

Yes Man (C-)

Jim Carrey co-stars with Zooey Deshannel ("Elf") as a guy trapped in his own negativity who after attending a positive outlook seminar, is forced to say YES to everything that comes his way. A cute premise albeit an obvious rehashing of Carrey's earlier work in "Liar, Liar." Come to think of it, everything in this movie is a rip off of some other Carrey film. The gags start out funny but soon, it becomes obviously redundant, like when a rapper samples a remake of a remake and doesn't even realize it's not the original song. Carrey was doing so well there for a second too. I really enjoyed his performance in "The Number 23", although it did less than stellar box office. When in doubt, go back to "Dumb and Dumbererer" I guess.

Slumdog Millionaire (F)

Best movie of the year my ass! This movie is unwatchable. How's that for a review?

Hamlet 2 (B+)

Yes, that's right, "Hamlet 2" the sequel. A manic, crazy, no talent, washed up actor who now teaches a drama class to chollo gang bangers in a Tucson high school, puts on a production of his own creative work, Hamlet 2 in order to save the school's failing drama program. Not everything works in this send up comedy but when it does, it's wacky, irreverent and down right funny. Some notable cameos lend their talents to this dramedy about Hamlet going back in a time machine and meeting Jesus. The musical number, Rock Me Sexy Jesus will give you a glimpse into the tone and dark nature of this comedic farce. Don't expect to much or take it to seriously and you'll be pleasantly amused.

In the Electric Mist (B)

I'm surprised this film didn't get 11 nominations from the Golden Globes because no one has seen or heard of this film either. Which is actually unfortunate, it's a pretty good movie. Horrible title that has almost nothing to do with the film and a really stupidly done subtext about civil war general's ghosts but other than that, a good bayou thriller. Maybe putting Tommy Lee Jones' mug with such prominence on the poster isn't the greatest marketing idea either...he's not exactly Brad Pitt. Ok, back to the movie. Jones is a Louisiana cop who witnessed the killing of a black prisoner when he was just a teen, only to discover the remains of that victim in the twilight of his career. Mixed in is a story about a movie being shot on location in the swamp and John Goodman plays a pimpish, nawlins gangster who may be connected to a string of current murders. The Cajun backdrop is always an inviting environment for some mystery and Jones, Goodman and cast are very good and the story is decent, when not trying to overcomplicate itself. This is a good rental, which is fortunate because its in theater screen time will be fleeting.

Religulous (B-)

Bill Maher tackles one of his favorite topics...organized world religion. Raised as a Catholic with one Jewish parent gave him a unique perspective on 2 of the oldest religions in Christendom. Maher opted to reject them both and takes exception to supposedly enlightened people believing in the fairy tales of religion. He makes no distinction, to his credit, among any of the faiths, equally questioning: Christianity, Judaism, Muslims, Mormons, Scientologists and more. Maher doesn't go on a witch hunt here, he allows the people he speaks to equal time or better to express their views and asks legitimate questions. It is both educational and entertaining to see how different people of different faiths react to having their belief system challenged. This is not a hatchet job done by an atheist but a legitimate examination of faith, understanding, and what a belief in a higher power does for someone, regardless of the name. I thought it was interesting. If you're touchy about the topic, then you'll get defensive and shut down about 8 seconds into this movie.

Seven Pounds (A-)

Will Smith returns to his more dramatic chops and sheds his blockbuster movie star role in favor of a more emotional and personal story. Smith is an IRS agent who instead of bringing bad news of an impending audit or unpaid taxes, selects very deserving people and provides them what they each need most in their lives. Thru juxtaposed editing flashing back to glimpses of Smith's character's own life, his motivation for all this altruism begins to formulate for the viewer. I have heard that the ending was a 'big surprise' for some, but really, if you are watching carefully, it is pretty obvious fairly quickly. Rosario Dawson and Woody Harrelson co-star as struggling people in need. With all its good intentions, this is a rather depressing film and in no way is it the feel good hit of the Christmas season. Smith jumps into the meatier role and shows his true range as an actor that he only gets to touch briefly on when fighting aliens or drug dealers. "Seven Pounds" is much more reminiscent of his early performance in "Six Degrees of Separation" with Stockard Channing and Donald Sutherland. A very well acted, superbly crafted and visually engaging film...but you better be in a good mood when you go to the theater or you'll be calling a hotline to talk you off the roof after you see it.

Gran Torino (A)

Clint Eastwood stars as a Korean War veteran living in a Detroit neighborhood being overtaken by Asians. At first his craggy demeanor sends a clear signal to his new neighbors that he's not to be trifled with, but over time, he softens up and comes to see the good in them. As he befriends the two teenagers living next door, he observes how different the world has become and how troubling it can be for young people. The young man, who he takes under his wing, is beset upon by local gang members and when Clint intervenes on his behalf, things escalate to lethal proportions. This was a very good film and well done by Eastwood in the sense that it is a definite throw back to his "Dirty Harry" roots in terms of persona but also incorporates a new deepness of character that eclipses the one-dimensional brashness of a Harry Callahan. Eastwood has found a story and a way to be a bad ass and still act his age *(unlike some other people - Stallone this means you). A very touching movie and a perfect showcase for Eastwood.

The Day the Earth Stood Still (D)

A remake of the brilliant 1951 classic, this one is horribly miscast from top to bottom starting with Keanu Reeves as Klaatu, an alien who comes to Earth to either destroy or save our planet. Where as the first film was a commentary on the dangers of nuclear annihilation in a new atomic age, this one tries for an update using global warming as the reason for our potential demise. Reeves' wooden acting style you would think would be a natural fit for an alien creature taking on a human form but it just comes off as stilted, boring and flat. Poor Jennifer Connelly ("House of Sand and Fog") gets jammed into this film as a scientist who helps Klaatu escape the clutches of the U.S. Military. Where in the original film, a small boy acts to guide Klaatu thru our world and introduce him to the humanity that exists within our society, this time Jaden Smith, Will Smith's little kid, plays the boy. What a little asshole!! I was hoping the giant robot was gonna zap him with a laser about 2 seconds into the movie. The saddest part is that it didn't really seem like he was acting. Just a horrible, weak story with lame special effects and bleak acting. A complete and utter waste of time, money and film stock. Klaatu barada nikto!

Four Christmases (B-)

Vince Vaughn and always delightful Reese Witherspoon take their shot at a holiday chucklefest with mixed results. The two play a yuppie couple who loathe the whole family/holiday thing and make excuses every year for their absence, opting instead to jet down to the Caribbean for some sun and fun. This year, all planes are grounded and they are forced to make appearances at their respective relatives homes. Each has a laundry list of dysfunctional ilk who place them in a myriad of humorous circumstances only to finally come to the realization that everyone's family is screwed up and they love each other in spite of it all. Very formulaic, with comedy ranging from low, low brow slapstick to ...well, mostly that. Vaughn and Witherspoon are just such good actors that it makes this watchable but far from great. It's way better than "Fred Claus" but its like the Christmas fruit cake of movies, old, stale and passed around. I don't think "It's a Wonderful Life" has anything to worry about....neither does "Jingle All the Way" for that matter.

Transporter 3 (C)

I'm going to make this short and sweet. I dig Jason Statham and like most things he's in. I loved the first Transporter movie. I thought the second one was the director Luc Besson making fun of us as the French are prone to do. This one is just a trickle of the leftovers of the first two. They took part of the "Hit Man" script, tossed in this stupid hook about if the driver gets too far from his car, he'll explode and mixed it with a bunch of low budget, chop sokie, fake fighting. They could all do a lot better but hey, most movies with the number 3 in the title are crap, so why should they be any different. Nuff said.

Bolt (A-)

Wow! This movie really surprised me. It was very well written and animated and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Bolt is a dog, who stars in an action TV show, a kind of Alias meets rin tin tin. Along with his trusty girl owner/sidekick, they thwart evil doers with exciting adventures. Poor Bolt however is kept in complete secrecy from the real world in order to maintain the illusion of the tv show and keep him in the acting moment as it were. He breaks out of his studio confines to save his master who he thinks is in jeopardy only to discover that his super powers and doggie 007 skills don't really work when the cameras aren't on. Undaunted, Bolt stays on mission enlisting the aid of a down and out alley cat and an overweight, gerbil/hamster/something who lives in a plastic ball terrarium. This is a great kids film but entertaining all around. I liked it very much, it had the same feel to it as "The Incredibles."

Zack and Miri make a Porno (C)

Huge fan of the stars, the co-stars and the writer/director Kevin Smith. Zack and Miri are life long friends who find themselves in desperate financial straights and come upon the idea of making a porn to pay the bills. This was the sum of its individual parts however, blending "Knocked Up" and 'Clerks" which didn't work quite as well as the whole chocolate-peanut butter thing did for the Reeses people. I officially don't like Seth Rogen anymore, he's becoming very annoying and not very funny for a fat Canadian. I do however like Elizabeth Banks ("Role Models") quite a bit and if it wasn't for her charming beauty, this would have been a disaster. The remainder of the cast is a hodge podge of Kevin Smith central casting like Jason Mewes ( Jay of Jay and Silent Bob fame )from Clerks and Apatow regular, Craig Robinson (the door man in Knocked Up). One surprise was the soft pedal on the porn, even with real life porn legend and sometimes cross over mainstreamer, Traci Lords ("Talk Dirty to Me - part IV"). It could with a couple of snips, easily get to a PG-13 rating. Seemed more insecure and apologetic than the usually irreverent style Smith is known for.

The House Bunny (B)

Anna Faris ("Just Friends") stars as an aging Playboy bunny whose lived most of her life at the mansion hoping to one day be a centerfold instead of a featured model. When she's evicted for being over the hill, she finds shelter and a purpose acting as house mother for some truly unfortunate sorority girls who have no idea how to be sociable. Faris brings her doe-eyed innocence to the role and has a flair for comedy much like a modern day Monroe. The rest is a classic Pygmalion, transformative tale about emerging butterflies from ugly moths, blah, blah, blah. Its sweet, cute and fluffy like pink cotton candy and quite like Faris herself. Very much in the same vein as a "Legally Blonde" film.

Quantum of Solace (B-)

"Quantum of Solace" is the latest 007 film staring the new James Bond, Daniel Craig. As fans of this site will remember, I am a huge Bond fan with Connery as my numero uno all time. I was unplused with the last "new" bond movie and with Craig as the lead. Absolutely nothing has changed in this one, so if you hated the first one as I did, you will dislike this one as well. In turn, if you enjoyed the unbondy bond, much like new coke, then you will again enjoy your time in the theater. You may ask why I gave this film a B-, if I didn't really care for it? 2 words, Olga Kurylenko. Ironically, she's been taking heat from some for being a little too stiff for a bond girl. It must have rubbed off from craig's cranky pants attitude throughout the film. He is so limited in his range that bedding a beautiful woman, crashing a car off a bridge or fighting for his life all garner the same expression...or lack thereof. "Quantum" doesn't take any chances and literally almost goes shot for shot with the first film right from the opening scene, just changing the characters and backdrops. Craig is not cool or suave enough to be bond, sorry and sticking him in a Ford isn't helping matters either. Did I mention Olga Kurylenko was in it? Bland...james bland :P

Role Models (A-)

Paul Rudd ("Knocked Up") and Seann William Scott ("American Pie") team up as reps for Minotaur energy drink, who drive from grade school to grade school encouraging kids to stay off drugs and to drink Minotaur instead. If that wasn't funny enough, after Rudd has a meltdown upon realizing his life is going nowhere fast, they get into some trouble with the law and are required to do community service to avoid going to jail. They are commissioned by the court to mentor some troubled youths in a big brotheresque program called sturdy wings. Obviously these are not the guys you'd want watching your kids but the two they get seem just punishment in lieu of hard time. One is a dungeons and dragons super nerd played by Christopher Mintz-Plasse ("McLovin") and the other, the foulest mouthed 12 yr. old on the planet, Bobbe' J. Thompson ("The Tracy Morgan Show"). Aside from everyone in this film having oddly spelled names, it is very, very funny. The writing is good but it is really more of a character piece as Rudd is finally getting the spotlight he deserves to showcase his comedic talents. This film is exactly what it looks like but so well done as to be hilarious and not just here and there but throughout. Rudd's diatribe in Starbucks is worth the price of admission alone.

Sex Drive (B-)

This is a cookie cutter, teen sex comedy right out of the National Lampoon school. Absolutely nothing here we haven't seen a bunch of times before and in some cases, done much better but at film's end, still pretty funny. A young loser virgin decides to travel cross country to meet a sure-thing he hooked up with online...hijinx ensue. The movie does have a bad ass Pontiac GTO ram air in it and the girls are sufficiently sexy. Some of the bits and gags are generic and cliché but well executed. By far, my favorite part is Seth Green's role as Ezekiel, the Amish good Samaritan. Probably a better DVD rental than a must see at the theater.

Soul Men (C+)

There were 'souls' shuffling off this mortal coil faster than Michael Flatley (the Lord of the Dance) with his shoes on fire. This was both Bernie Mac AND Isaac Hayes' last film before they died. Samuel L. Jackson is lucky to be alive~! The story is that of 2 R&B performers called up to attend the funeral (whoa irony alert) of the group's third member who went on to become a solo superstar. The vh-1 sponsored tribute drags these two disagreeable old men cross country to perform once last time for their deceased compadre. It doesn't take long for all the old bad blood to start boiling. Jackson and Mac are well seasoned, highly experienced actors with legions of good films to their combined credits. This one is pretty lame by comparison. Not very funny and what comedy there is, is of a BET, "Fridays" nature. I don't think it's the performance Mac would have chosen for his epitaph but Jackson does a better than adequate job of holding the film together. It's just aaaight.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People (C-)

Simon Pegg ("Shaun of the Dead") stars as a celebrity gossip columnist from England who gets a dream job for a big NYC publication. He struggles with selling his soul and compromising his journalistic integrity in order to advance his career. Along the way, he gets mentored by his co-worker played by Kirsten Dunst ("Spiderman"), who he ultimately falls for. Pegg is a brilliant British comedic actor who has struggled finding a foothold in American film. This movie was vapid, unfunny, very long and a waste of Pegg's natural talent. This one took the title to heart when it came to the audience.

Pride and Glory (B-)

P & G is the tale of a family of cops who become embroiled in a turbulent situation after several fellow officers are shot dead in what looks like an ambush. With an all star cast including: Edward Norton, Colin Farrell and Jon Voigt, the movie is well crafted and acted but the story is old, tired and transparent. Good acting makes it watchable but you know where things are headed very early on and you're stuck waiting for the movie to catch up to where you are. With lesser actors this would have been a bad movie, with a better story it could have been really good. As it stands, its fair. Spoiler alert: the semi self sacrificing end that Farrell's character chooses is ridiculous and an obvious writer's stunt and failed attempt at a twist.

Appaloosa (B)

"Appaloosa" is a throwback western re-teaming Ed Harris and Viggo Mortensen who starred in "A History of Violence." They are brilliant actors and this is a passable western, holding fast to traditional conventions ...the saloon, the evil land baron, the school marm love interest. What makes this film good is the believability of Harris and Mortensen. Harris also directed this and you could tell that the boys had a good time playing cowboys. Renee Zellweger was the 'girl' and also the weakest casting in the film. A good shoot'em up western that doesn't stray too far from the o.k. corral.

Miracle at St. Anna's (D)

Spike Lee got in a fight with Clint Eastwood about making WW II pictures because Dirty Harry neglected to sufficiently represent the brothers in his war films. Eastwood dismissed his criticism as absurd and groundless, so Lee fired back with "Miracle at St. Anna's." Now everyone knows that Lee is a world class reverse racist but what you may have not been aware of was that he doesn't have a very high opinion of black people from the 'greatest generation' either. As you would expect, Spike has every white soldier in the film having just fallen off the Dixie turnip truck fresh from a Klan meeting but what shocked me was that he represents the black soldiers with the worst kind of stereotypes from that era. Step and Fetch'it characterizations of minstrel show negroes tromping thru Europe like the road company of Uncle Tom's Cabin. Wheez almost to Jermany ain't we sarge? Gosh almighty, my rifle sho' is heavy. Oh my god! Spike Lee hates everyone! The story is strange and makes some pathetic try at tying itself to modernity but it just doesn't work all the way around. That's one for Clint...you got schooled.

W. (D)

Oliver Stone ("JFK") tackles a quasi-bio pic about George W. Bush and his life and times leading up to and including his role as President. Stone, part time brilliant auteur, part time total nut job, unfortunately leans toward the latter in this film. Too soon perhaps to adequately address this topic. "W." seems very thrown together, much more like a made-for-TV movie than a major theatrical release. It never really gets a handle on what it wants to be. Some times a scathing indictment, some times comedic farce. In that respect, I guess it is genuine at least in its emotion. Kinda of like watching the real Bush give a speech. You are never really sure whether you should laugh, cry or be mad. The very talented Josh Brolin ("No Country for Old Men") stars as W. He really morphs into the character and does the role justice. If he didn't work, the film would have been a disaster, well a bigger disaster. I'm most upset by the missed opportunity to use film to speak to one of history's most controversial figures without all the revisionist history and political leanings. I saw JFK in the theater, I rented JFK, I own a copy of JFK and let me tell you sir, you are NO JFK.

Max Payne (C-)

Max Payne is the new Wahlberg action film about a cop whose wife and family were killed and now he's some walking dead, soulless, rogue going after bad guys with nothing to lose. This is exactly what you worry about when a film is "based on a video game." No real story, cardboard cutout acting, lots of noise and shooting just for the sake of visual stimuli. I like Wahlberg and even more so when he's keeping true to his guy from the neighborhood tough guy persona. He just showed up for this one though. He was much better talking to animals at the petting zoo. Say hello to your mother for me, okay.

Eagle Eye (D)

Shia LaBeouf stars as a young man whose life gets turned upside down after receiving a mysterious phone call from someone who appears to be in control of everything around him. LaBeouf, the lesser of two twins, who seems lost and struggling in life, gets thrust into a complicated plot to overthrow the government. Co-starring Michelle Monaghan ("Mission Impossible 3"), the two become puppets of the voice on the phone who seems to be able to manipulate all technology everywhere: security cameras, stop lights, automated equipment, scrolling billboards and of course, cell phones. A commentary of the big brother aspects of governmental eavesdropping? A cautionary tale against over zealous national security measures? Nope, a lame ass "War Games" meets "2001: A Space Odyssey" with one lousy super computer as the evil menace hell-bent of bringing down the U.S. Yup. I really like LaBeouf but after the last Indian Jones and now this, he's bordering on 2 strikes and has completely evaporated any praise from his performance in "Transformers." This is one of the stupidest, most convoluted, ludicrous and half cocked tech menace films ever. The computer has the duo running all over the country on some bizarre scavenger hunt from hell, when according to the story, its mastery of technology could have just had most of what it wanted delivered by FedEx. It's just dumb and you figure that fact out rather quickly. It doesn't take an eagle eye to see the absurdity in this film. Good thing you can kill it by poking it in the eye.

Ghost Town (B+)

The brilliantly funny Ricky Gervais ("Extras") is a less than sociable, dentist who finds himself able to see and hear the undead spirits of New York City after a brush with death of his own. He's not crazy about living people, so he certainly isn't excited about all these other entities clamoring for his attention. The story isn't very original ("The Sixth Sense, Just Like Heaven, etc") but it all comes down to 2 things. Gervais is hilarious and his co-star, Tea Leoni is so likeable and is winding up one of the best comic straight women since the 40's ("Fun with Dick and Jane"). Gervais' slow burn style of comic angst is worth the price of admission alone. It's a cute, funny, light comedy that's worth a chuckle.

Burn After Reading (D)

"Burn After Reading" should have been what they did with the script. Instead, this self indulgent, lets put heavy hitting, star power celebrities in a small film and see how great that would be - movie falls on its face right out of the gate. The Cohen Bros. took the cast of "Oceans 13" and tried to recapture their previous success with a "Fargo"esque project. It was obvious the likes of Clooney and Pitt were more interested in playing dress up than making a good movie. Just avoid this at all costs.

Lakeview Terrace (D)

Lakeview Terrace is a tired, transparent and poorly acted film that seemed like Showtime Porn without all the boob jobs and well placed elbows. A spike lee style take on the evil neighbor cop genre puts Samuel L. Jackson in the middle of a dispute with his new, mixed race neighbors. The strict, hardnosed Jackson is portrayed as a pretty good cop when he's out on the streets but as soon as he gets home, it appears he has no compunction in bending or breaking the law to get his way. The newlywed neighbors try to make nice but Jackson is bound and determined to take any steps necessary to see them move. The acting was crap, the story weak and the rest so stereotypical as to be boring. Cops are dicks. Who knew?

The Rocker (B-)

I must admit, my expectations for this film were extremely low...somewhere around Andy Samberg's "Hot Rod." Rainn Wilson (the Office U.S. version) stars as a rock drummer who gets kicked out of his band at the precipice of their fame only to spend the next 20 years living in regret, anger and disappointment. All that changes when his fat, dorky cousin's garage band gets a gig playing the high school prom. They lose their drummer and the only person left to save the day is "Fish" his weird, cranky uncle who lives in the attic (Rainn). Once back behind the kit, Fish rekindles his love of rock and roll and gets to live his tour bus fantasy as the group gains notoriety on You Tube and scores a record deal. This film is called the Rocker, not the shocker, so it was no real surprise when at the end, they are asked to open for Vesuvius, Fish's former band. This movie reminded me a lot of "Old School" and has some pretty funny moments. Much better than you'd expect but nothing you can't wait for DVD to check out.

Righteous Kill (C)

Screen legends Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino team up as NYPD detectives on the hunt for a serial killer who's doing away with all the scumbags they are investigating. The killer leaves a little poem at each crime scene but not much else in the way of clues. The studios originally tried to advertise this as a first time pairing of the Hollywood heavyweights but I assume were quickly corrected and reminded of Michael Mann's "Heat." In this movie, DeNiro makes his classic DeNiro face thru the whole movie...you know the one :( and thankfully, Pacino keeps his "hooo ahhh's" to a minimum. The beautiful Carla Gugino ("Sin City") is pathetically cast as a sado-masochistic love interest of DeNiro, almost 30 years her senior. To be honest, the supporting cast of John Leguizamo and Donnie Wahlberg turn in stronger performances than the top billed, dream team. What's even worse is the telegraphed 'twist' the writer tries miserably to pull off with no success at all. If you don't see this one coming not even half way into the movie, please get screened for glaucoma. You can't help but wait for it to take off but this movie just taxis down the runway perpetually and never gains any altitude. Righteous Kill is a better title than Actor's Studio CSI - I guess.

Bangkok Dangerous (C)

Nicholas Cage stars as a lone assassin whose latest assignment takes him to the exotic city of Bangkok, Thailand. At first, Cage's character leads a solitary lifestyle not connecting with anyone to keep his edge and at least an arm's length from society in general. Inexplicably, he begins to open up and falls for a local, deaf, girl pharmacist and starts to mentor a street hustler to be his protégé'. After his employer tries to double cross him and take him out, Cage's character unleashes all his killing skills on the crime syndicate determined to eliminate him. If you are thinking to yourself, this is the storyline of a dozen other films, you are absolutely correct. Not a single new twist here with the possible exception of the manically depressive, overly contemplative ending. Also, much like Tom Hanks in "The Da Vinci Code," Cage attempts to pull off the wild, unkept lengthy locks of youth with ridiculous results. Get a hair cut you 50 year old hippie!! Bangkok dangerous...movie boring.

The Foot Fist Way (A-)

This movie won't be easy to find but I am predicting that it will be a DVD cult hit! Danny R. McBride ("The Heartbreak Kid") is gut busting, hilarious as a strip mall, Tae Kwon Do instructor. His over the top, macho and perverse interpretation of the martial arts bushido code is so real, its funny. Everyone knows someone like this, especially if you live in a small town. It was shot in under 20 days for a very modest budget and using mostly kids for the cast but this film proves that you don't need a super star headliner or a gazillion dollar budget to make a very entertaining movie. McBride plays Fred Simmons, the school's black belt instructor who spends his day intimidating grade schoolers and showing off his somewhat marginal karate moves. It's only when circumstances compel him to fight a duel against his hero, the world famous, Chuck 'the Truck' Wallace in a no-holds-barred, battle royale, that Simmons will find out what he's really made of. After seeing this movie, you'll never again be able to cruise by a karate school with a window full of trophies without laughing your ass off.

Babylon A.D. (D-)

This movie should have been called Babylon WTF? Vin Diesel (The Pacifier) stars as some mercenary / bad ass, who is responsible for shipping a young girl and her aid to New York from a secluded Monastery. This futuristic, post apocalyptic, piece of crap tries to tie "Blade Runner" together with the human genome project and the story of the Virgin Mary. The international cast is low budget and for the most part, weird. It reminded me of "Run Lola Run" meets "Children of Men." Diesel is going thru that phase that all action stars eventually encounter. He's trying to be an "Ack-Tor" in the James Lipton sense of the word. He dropped some serious lbs. and even fake tatted up, he doesn't look buff at all anymore. That causes the audience to suffer thru this period of growing pains as he attempts to transition from action star to thespian. I was lost about 2 min. into it and the best I could figure by films end was..."What the fuck??"

Traitor (C-)

"Traitor" is the story of a Muslim American, who is working with Arab terrorists to carry out suicide bombings all over the world. Don Cheadle stars as Samir, the center of the story whose upbringing and devotion to his faith bring in to question whose side is he really on? The story is ambitious and the cast superb, including Guy Pierce (L.A. Confidential) and Jeff Daniels (Dumb and Dumber). Cheadle has proved time and again that his the Sidney Poitier of his generation and one of the finest actors working. "Traitor" however is a project that squanders his vast talent. The film attempts to show the other side of the global conflict but stops short of supporting the terrorist cause. This tip toeing back and forth across ideologies weakens the story and loses the viewer quickly. The transparent intrigue that has been compared to "The Bourne" series is strictly to conjure up some box office revenue for this very slow, wandering film. There is not one bad actor in this film, so the problem must lie with the movie itself. It was brave to attempt what it was shooting for but unfortunately, the emotion just falls off the page. This probably read much better than it came off on the screen.

Death Race (B-)

Jason Statham ("Crank"), Tyrese Gibson and Joan Allen star in a remake of the camp classic "Death Race 2000" from way back in 1975. The original starred David Carradine (Kung Fu) and Sylvester Stallone~!! In the modern version, Statham is framed for his wife's killing and sent to the big house where the new national sport is something called death race. The inmates race souped up cars strapped with thick, metal shields and weapons and the winner of 5 races gets out of jail. Allen plays the warden who acts as a puppet master manipulating the outcome of the races to drive up the pay-per-view box office. Tyrese plays Machine Gun Joe - Frankenstein's (Statham) arch nemesis. Where the 1st movie was a send up of escalating societal violence, this film is just about blowing stuff up. It's well done, the effects are good and the acting, what there is of it, is passable but it's just a movie to watch for watching sake. Although the 1975 version has all the production value of a low budget porn, it was in some ways more engaging. The new version is straight up pop corn and explosions, nothing more...and nothing less either.

Check out the trailer for Death Race 2000:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZLYEbkykCI&feature=related

Tropic Thunder (A)

Starring Ben Stiller, Jack Black and the super popular Robert Downey Jr, "Tropic Thunder" is the story of a band of stereotypical, Hollywood type actors cast in an epic "Apocalypse Now" style feature film. Each actor has a lot riding on the success of this movie but things go bad in a hurry after the director blows himself up. The squad of actors now find themselves in "the shit" for real and going up against the local rebel guerrillas with nothing more than prop rifles and their ability to emote. Jack Black plays the, well...robert downey jr. from like 4 years ago role. He's been in and out of rehab and still not quite off the junk. Stiller is a former action star who's career suffered after trying to expand his range as an actor by starring in a role about a retarded boy. Downey, coming off the white hot "Iron Man" steals the show as an Australian actor who slaps on black face and plays an African American soldier. This is a very risky role if you don't want Al Sharpton calling for your head. Downey pulls it off so masterfully that if they gave out Oscar's for films like this, he should get one. Every single thing he does and says is fall on the floor funny. What really makes this film work, is that no matter how ridiculous the circumstance within the film, all the actors play it straight with no hint that they aren't taking it all very seriously. The resulting effect is the film equivalent of when someone slips and falls on the ice and gets up mad at you for laughing, which only makes you laugh harder. Just a funny, funny movie.

Pineapple Express (C-)

"Pineapple Express" follows the exploits of 2 stoners on the run from a murderous drug dealer and some crooked cops. This film is like when you hear a really funny joke for the millionth time. I am very sorry to say that I believe the Judd Apatow, Seth Rogen comedy gravy train has run out of fresh material after less than a year churning out projects. The creative genius behind "Knocked Up" and to a lesser extent "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" has emptied the waste bin of his good ideas and what we are left with is "Pineapple Express." It's 2 hours of 'getting high' jokes, which was fine for Cheech and Chong in 1979, but seems sorta lame today. If you have seen the trailer for this film, you have seen every funny moment they had to offer. I will say that Rogen loses his appeal playing the straight man and James Franco ("Spiderman") was very good as the stoned dealer, probably his best performance to date. Go high off your ass or don't go at all to see this. But then again, if you're that wasted, "Mama Mia" is probably hilarious too.

Step Brothers (D-)

You know those really funny blooper reels they put at the end of films or on the DVD's special features where Ferrell and Reilly just riff and toss out one gut busting funny line after another improvising all the way to funny town? There is a reason that stuff never makes it into the actual movie. If it did, it would be "Step Brothers." This is the quintessential illustration of too much of a good thing. The comedic chemistry these two have as demonstrated in films like "Talladega Nights" quickly becomes overbearing, self indulgent and like a shouting match between 2 retarded 8 year olds in the back seat of your car while you're trying to drive. I actually walked out of the 1st screening I saw and then forced myself to go back and watch it AGAIN to make sure it was as bad as I thought. It was.

The Dark Knight (C)

Batman...er, according to the film, now to be referred to as "THE batman" because a bunch of comic nerds complained apparently, anyway Batman is back this time fighting the Joker. The much anticipated, highly acclaimed and long awaited return to the franchise left me flat. Way too much hype for the film they have and excuse me, give Heath Ledger an Academy Award for most drama off set by a deceased actor with a limited resume' but don't nominate him for this! Let's face it, no one would have even considered him had he not died, so don't pimp the guy out now to boost your box office. Back to the film...choppy, uneven and although full of explosions, kind of boring. Ledger is the lead singer of "The Cure" and Batman now sounds like Brenda Vacarro gargling with battery acid for some reason. Many contradictions in the script and the new realism serves to diminish the 'super' in super hero more than anything else. Wait for the DVD, nothing special here at all.

Hancock (B-)

Will Smith is a reluctant super hero in "Hancock" also starring the ever placid Jason Bateman and Charleze Theron. They had a really good concept here of a down and out, wino with super powers and not a super attitude, and then... they blew it. About 1/2 way thru, they throw in the dumbest twist you've ever heard of basically to fold Theron into the script. I doubt she was there in the original treatment. Watch the first half of the movie and then leave, and make up your own ending. Smith is still pretty good at almost everything he does, so kudos to him.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (B)

Indy is back, sorta. I have to admit that from a strictly physical perspective, Harrison Ford seems to still be able to hold his own. It's the swagger that has dimmed over all these years. This is not the best of the series nor is it the worst but after all this time, I must admit I was expecting a little more. In this film, Indiana substitutes the Commies for the Nazis as we have moved into the 1950's within the storyline. Now the reds seem to be more background noise and stuff to punch than a pivotal part of the story. What this one IS about is alien life forms (come on Spielberg/Lucas...really??) who in a feeble attempt to take the storyline full circle, places Indy back in the South American jungle where it all began. Shia LaBeouf ("Transformers") shows up as surprise, surprise...Indy's son. NOT. I could run down the list of films released as late as this year that they have ripped off elements of but whatever, they are only the 2 biggest film makers alive today tackling one of the most successful film franchises of all time. It wasn't a horrible movie by any means but certainly not a film that lets Indiana go out with a bang. Hey at least it didn't have Jar Jar Binks in it!

IRON MAN (A)

Robert Downey Jr. stars as Tony Stark, billionaire playboy weapons corporation executive. He nails the smart-ass, living the life of entitlement, jet set womanizer role. Downey's natural quirkiness is a great fit for this part and brings a darker, more off beat twist to the comic book hero. I'm not sure I completely bought the Gwyneth Paltrow part playing Pepper Potts. Terrence Howard ("Hustle and Flow") is in it cause I guess they needed a black guy but for the life of me, I have no idea why. The movie itself is fun as hell. Great special effects, and they support the story not drive it. I can't wait for the next one, this is a franchise that definitely has legs. I would love to see what Bryan Singer ("X-Men") could do directing the sequel instead of the just ok, Jon Favreau.

Wall-E (C)

Wall-e is Pixar's latest offering to the animated film category. Unlike "Cars" and other Pixar films, Wall-e never really creates that connection with the viewer. Looking like #5 ("Short Circuit" 1986), Wall-e is a robot left behind on earth to clean up all our garbage. The inhabitants of earth are now gelatinous masses that resemble parade floats who can't seem to wipe their own backsides thanks to technology doing everything for them. Wall-e follows his true love of another robot back to the mother ship and rekindles the humanity of the species lost in a vacuum of consumerism. But you still never feel for the little guy so it doesn't work. Oh well.

Get Smart (B)

The 46 yr. old Steve Carell ("Evan Almighty") stars along side 26 yr. old Anne Hathaway ("Princess Diaries") as supposed love interests. Maybe at the playboy mansion that works. Carell riding a wave of popularity from his hit TV show "The Office" - not the superior UK/BBC version, plays this one pretty straight. He allowed the comedy to come from the story instead of jamming in sight gags or trying to impersonate Don Adams who created the role for TV back in the 60's. Some decent supporting roles by Dwayne 'the Rock' Johnson and Masi Oka of "Heroes" legend round out a better than average cast. All in all, cute ...a chuckle here and there, an okay film. At least they didn't make it retarded like Inspector Gadget.

The Incredible Hulk (B)

Coming from the same studio as the extremely popular and brilliant "Iron Man," I have heard some direct comparisons that paint them in the same light. NO, no no no noooooooo. This is an alright movie mostly due to the strong performance turned in by Edward Norton ("The Illusionist") as Bruce Banner. Notice I did not say, "as the hulk" cause he isn't. The creature is all CGI'd, which made me wonder thru the whole film why they couldn't have morphed Norton's face onto the creature instead of having it look nothing like him? Just like in "King Kong" they have problems with scale. Sometimes the creature is bigger than a tank, sometimes he's just tall. You'd think they would also have a computer program that fixes that by now. Go see "Iron Man" twice and wait to catch this one.

Kung Fu Panda (A-)

I used to be a huge Jack Black fan and then he apparently went insane and started making the same movie over and over again. Something happens to Hollywood types when they have kids too. All of the sudden they are compelled to make children's films (see Shrek). I was incredibly surprised by "Kung Fu Panda." It is very funny and the creators had a strong sense of classic Kung Ku movies drawing on many typical themes. I really enjoyed this movie. It has an excellent message about an overweight Panda who finds his destiny not in conformity but in the pursuit of his own strengths. Black is great as the voice of the Panda, coloring between the lines of the script and only occasionally riffing off the page. A sweet and funny movie for all ages, well done. You did not defame the Shaolin Temple :)

What Happens in Vegas (D)

This movie should have stayed in Vegas. I thought I was being PUnKed sitting thru it. Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz star as a wild night in Vegas leads two strangers to tear up the town, having them waking up married. Just as they agree on a quickie annulment, Kutcher drops a quarter in the slots and wins a huge jackpot. Now she wants half. Let the whacky humor ensue! Yeah, you wish. Come to think of it, this film was just like Vegas. The reality is that it's crowded, expensive and dirty unless you're hammered...which is exactly the way to see this film if you want to enjoy it.

Baby Mama (B)

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler reteam from their SNL days to tell the story of Fey's character an infertile, single, career woman wanting a baby and Poehler, a white trash, trailer park inhabitant in need of some cash. It's a match made in heaven. Dax Shepard is really funny as Poehler's common law husband and the film is well written as would be expected from Fey. Poehler's single note comedy had me waiting for her to exclaim, "yeah I farted," any second. It is predictable and a little too sweet in the end but they are strong comedic performers and its a good story.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (B+)

The prolific writer, producer, director, Judd Apatow ("Knocked Up") re-teams with Jason Segel ("How I met your Mother") to spin another yarn of love gone wrong. This time, Segel is a musician who does background music for television shows and subsequently breaks up with his TV star girlfriend and then tries to clear his head by going to a resort to get away from thinking of her. As fate would have it, she's there too with her new boyfriend. It is not as funny as the rest of Apatow's work but still chocked full of yucks. Mila Kunis ("That 70's Show") plays the replacement g/f and is really good, I hope she finds more work in film. This movie reminded me a lot of Dudley Moore and Bo Derek in "10" - for a new millennium.

Meet Dave (C+)

As a critic, you tryyyyy not to have too heavily entrenched preconceptions when a film comes out but you have a pretty good feel for the fact that BioDome 3 is gonna suck ass. I fully expected as much from "Meet Dave." Eddie Murphy stealing little kids money at the theater again in another hackneyed, lame premise that allows Murphy to play 30 characters, that, lets face it, we were sick of after "Coming to America." I was pleasantly surprised to find otherwise. Yes, the gags, the premise and even the accents were old hat but Murphy was genuinely trying, something he hasn't done in decades. He didn't attempt to crush his fellow cast members with his all Me - all the time, usual scenery chewing style of over acting. It is still a worn out idea for a film but Murphy and cast get points for putting their all into it regardless.

Wanted (C-)

Just imagine the Matrix if instead of being confusing, it was just stupid. The magical loom of the future tells a group of assassins who they should kill next to maintain the cosmic fabric of society. That's right, I said magic loom, like what you make a rug on, you got a problem with that? This Walter Mitty turned assassin story revolves around a mild-mannered office worker who gets roped into the organization by none other than Angelina Jolie after his father is killed. This secret fraternity that has existed for a thousand years is called...wait for it, "the fraternity!" You'd think after all that time, they could come up with a better name? Morgan Freeman is in it too because ...I guess it's a law at this point that he must appear in every film.

The Love Guru (F-)

Mike Myers stars as Guru Pitka, an American raised in India to become a popular L.A. spiritual advisor. I swear to you that the actual words, "Think Wayne's World meets Deepak Chopra," must have been uttered at the pitch for this stinker. Myers is still winking at the audience but I don't think anyone is winking back anymore. He has become the Mel Brooks of his generation, who's time has definitely come - and GONE. He has one (1) count it, one funny line in the whole movie. When greeting someone, he bestows the Hindu blessing upon them, "Mariska Hargitay." For those of you who didn't get it, she's an actress on "Law and Order: Special Victims Unit." If it wasn't for Justin Timberlake and his very funny portrayal of well endowed, hockey pro Jacques "Le Coq" Grande, the film would have received an H rating from me, 2 below an F. Myers even put freakin mini me in this one... its just sad, - really, really sad.

The Happening (A)

M. Night Sham-a-lam-a-ding-dong as I affectionately refer to him, takes another stab at freaking us out with "the Happening." During a typical day in the city, people just start offing themselves in the most grotesque ways they can think of for no apparent reason. At first, it is considered some form of terrorist attack but as the movie progresses, you see Night's twisted mind in full swing. Mark Wahlberg ("The Shooter") is really becoming a fine actor and he leads the cast as they all attempt to out run this mysterious plague or virus or toxin. As in the "Sixth Sense," I won't give the ending away but I give M. Night credit for making a point in an exceptionally interesting way.

You Don't Mess with the Zohan (B+)