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| Is it possible to truly forgive someone and not want to be around them? I've heard people say that if you truly forgive someone then you won't try to avoid them anymore. But we all have people that we just don't like being around anyway. How do you know if you've really forgiven someone? I mean, if it's in the past, I think it's easier, but if it's an ongoing thing, something you have to forgive again and again and again, something dealt with on a daily basis, how do you know if you've forgiven them? And is it wrong not to want to be around them? Even if circumstances kind of seem to indicate that you SHOULD want to be around them?
Also, where does LIKING people fit into that? I mean, you know how you can LOVE someone but not LIKE them?
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| “Forgive” comes from an old compound word, “forth-give,” or “give-forth.” It means to release, or give something up. In Mt. 18, Jesus tells a parable of a king who “forgives” the debt of his servant. He gave up his claim to his money, and released the servant from the obligation to pay him back. That is forgiveness. Put into your example, when someone hurts you, “justice” says you have the right to be angry, bitter, and hold the sin against the offender. But forgiveness says you release him of the obligation to “make it right.” You let go of your anger, you don’t hold the resentment against the individual. You “let it go,” and treat that person accordingly from that point forward.
Now here’s the big catch…forgiveness isn’t the same thing as trust. I can forgive a person for past problems and at the same time be cautious about their future behavior. If someone smacks me upside the head, and then asks for forgiveness, I will, but I’ll probably still flinch next time they move their hand. Forgiveness is given. Trust is earned. If someone hurt you, you can (and according to Jesus, MUST) forgive them. However, you will understandably be cautious around them in the future. If seeing them brings back feelings of anger and bitterness, then I would wonder if forgiveness has been granted. However, if seeing them simply reminds you to be careful in your dealings with that person, then I’d call that wisdom. As for the "loving/liking" issue, I think we’ve missed the point with the whole idea of making the progression being “knowing…liking…loving” as if you can’t love someone unless you enjoy being with them. Love (biblically) is a decision to prefer someone over yourself, sacrifice for them, and act in their best interest. You can do that for someone you don’t even know (e.g., loving people around the world enough to support a missionary to them). Liking is a blending of personality and experience, that may or may not click. “Liking” them is not the basis for “loving” them. You have to be careful that your lack of “like” doesn’t turn into a lack of “love,” but they are two different things.
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