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This posting does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself,
my company, my friends, or my cat; don't quote me on that; don't quote me on anything;
all rights reserved; this document is distribution copyrighted to the extent that you
may distribute this posting and all its associated parts freely but you may not make
a profit from it or include the article or parts of it in commercial publications,
or as part of any fee-based services or products; further redistribution’s only
allowed unedited and in its entirety by electronic transfer (anonymous FTP, Gopher,
WWW and mail servers), storage media, and printed copy as long as this notice is
included and no monetary fee is charged; subject to change without notice; text is
slightly enlarged to show detail; resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is
unintentional and coincidental; all models are over 18 years of age; dry clean only;
do not bend, fold, or mutilate; anchovies or jalapenos added upon request; your
mileage may vary; no substitutions are allowed; for a limited time only while supplies
last; offer void where prohibited; is provided "as is" without any warranties
expressed or implied; user assumes full liabilities; not liable for damages due to use
or misuse; equal opportunity employer; no shoes, no shirt, no jokes; caveat emptor;
read at your own risk; may contain material some readers find objectionable; parental
advisory: explicit lyrics; keep away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family
please; no money down; no purchase necessary; ask us about our trade-in plan; you need
not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not included; action figures
sold separately; jokes were packed full, contents may have settled during mailing;
sanitized and sealed for your protection; do not use if safety seal is broken; do not
use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment; safety goggles may be required
during use; call before you dig; use only with proper ventilation; for external use
only; if a swelling, redness, rash, or irritation develops, discontinue use; do not
place near a flammable or magnetic source; keep away from open flames; avoid inhaling
fumes or contact with mucous membranes; contents under pressure, may explode if
incinerated; smoking these may be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard,
second only to abstinence, is the use of a good laugh; text is made from 100% recycled
electrons and magnetic particles; no animals were used to test the, no salt, MSG,
preservatives, artificial color or flavor added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting,
if symptoms persist, consult a someone who cares; are ribbed for your pleasure;
slippery when wet; must be 18 to enter; possible penalties for early withdrawal;
one size fits all; offer is valid only at participating Internet sites; slightly
higher west of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; if defects are found,
do not try to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center;
please remain seated until the we have come to a complete stop; objects in the mirror
may be funnier than they appear; this disclaimer does not cover hurricanes, floods,
earthquakes, and other Acts of God, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation
from nuclear blasts, unauthorized repair, improper installation, misuse, typos,
misspelled words, missing or altered signatures, and incidents owing to computer or
disk failure, accidental file deletions, or milk coming out of your nose due to
laughing while drinking; other restrictions may apply. If something offends you,
lighten up, get a life, and move on.
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